18. Why You Keep Having the Same Fight (Part 2): The Fix
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18. Why You Keep Having the Same Fight (Part 2): The Fix
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About this listen
What if the real reason you keep having the same fight isn’t the topic… but the role you automatically slip into?
In part two of this conversation, Brent and I unpack the exact pattern that kept our conflict on repeat—pressure vs. people-pleasing—and the two skills that finally helped us change it: curiosity and courage. We talk about Terry Real’s idea of practicing the opposite of your default conflict behavior, and why “seeking to understand” only works when it isn’t a sneaky way to win.
You’ll hear the framework that shifted everything for us (the blind men and the elephant), plus a real-life example we’re still practicing: how we navigate a parenting decision we can’t just agree to disagree on (how many school days our kids miss for travel).
If you’re tired of circular arguments, this episode will help you:
- spot your “default” conflict move (and what it costs you)
- stay anchored in your perspective without shutting down your partner
- ask questions that build connection instead of ammunition
- move from compromise to collaboration—especially in parenting calls
Want support applying this to your relationship? We have a few spots open for our upcoming retreat, and you can also schedule a complimentary 1:1 with Brent and me.