The dark night “pulled” at Melanie in her twenties, but it wasn’t until her forties that she was willing and able to hear its calling. As her work and marriage fell apart, she found herself in a dark, heavy place, and “went down into a different space of me.” Having always been a “good little girl” who walked on eggshells and did her best to please everyone, she began to encounter everything that lay beneath her persona. Like an archaeologist, she painstakingly worked through many layers of self-hatred and shame.

Amongst many other things, Melanie and I talk about finally being able to say no, and refusing to pass the dysfunctional buck onto the next generation; the crumbling of the old ways and what happens when our operating systems stop working; and refusing to pretend. We also discuss the humaneness of including all of ourselves; cracking our hearts open and touching into the breathtaking, heartbreaking beauty of life; and learning how to trust ourselves whilst also leaning on others. Finally, we touch into the sanity that emerges out of the dark night process and how, even though at times it feels like madness, “you might actually be finding your sanity.”

Melanie Balint Gray PhD

Some influential moments:

1. Living abroad for ten years as a child honed adaptability, tolerance, empathy, and compassion.

2. Steeping in familial secrets honed shame, guilt, self-hatred, and victimhood.

3. A PhD in Immunology expanded critical thinking.

4. Raising children brought meditation, the super-sensible, and a new view of humanness.

5. Facing divorce, job loss, and depression peeled away worn out beliefs.

6. Now I sit with others while they see what wants to be met and/or fall away.

Melanie can be reached via email: graymelanie111@gmail.com

Fiona Robertson is the author of The Dark Night of the Soul: A Journey from Absence to Presence, and Eve Was a Realist: Poems for the Untamed Heart. She meets with people who are going through a dark night or spiritual emergency, accompanying them in this challenging terrain as they rediscover and deepen into their real selves. She also offers a monthly dark night gathering group, and occasional workshops for therapists and counsellors.

Connect with Fiona

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Music by James Waring / Design by Adam McKillop / Artwork by Stefan Armoneit