Welcome back loves! Today we’re talking about repair, not the home-repair kind but the way we mend hurts or missteps with the people we love. Think of it like kintsugi: the cracks don’t ruin the pot, they become the gold. This episode walks through why repair matters, how it actually works, and how repair attempts can make relationships deeper and more beautiful.

We break repair down into practical steps you can try right away using the Relationship Repair Ladder.

Repair Ladder Steps:

1. Pause and regulate
2. Acknowledge impact
3. Take responsibility
4. Express care and commitment
5. Collaborative repair
6. Reconnect

Some fixes are 30 seconds (a quick apology and a hug), and some take months of intentional work. Both are repair. Both matter.

We also dig into why “sweeping things under the rug” sometimes seems to work, why timing and nervous-system regulation are real and necessary, and how patterns of small un-repaired slights can grow into walls and estrangement. Boundaries vs. walls, resentment vs. protection — we talk about those differences and how to keep love and self-respect in balance.

If you want a real-life model, we share a careful, staged reconciliation process (think reading a book together, listening without interruption, and giving everyone time to sit with what they heard).

These are the tools Bryan used with his parents -

Book: It Didn't Start With You by Mark Wolynn

Desmond Tutu's Four-Part Reconciliation Process:

1. Tell the story (an uninterrupted recount of your experience)
2. Name the hurt (give voice to the feelings that arose)
3. Grant forgiveness (release anger and resentment toward the other)
4. Renew or release the relationship (decide on the future of the relationship)

So if a relationship in your life feels strained, this episode is your friendly, practical guide to trying again. Reach out, take one small rung on the repair ladder, and remember: repair is hard, but it’s also how we make love stronger. Try it with someone you care about and see what gold appears.

Connect with Us:

• Sarah Koch: @radintimacy | radintimacy.com
• Bryan Russell: @sadhanayogaschool | sadhanayoga.com
• Suggest a topic: DM us or email podcast@radintimacy.com

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