In this episode of The Messy Middle, we tackle one of the biggest, most painful questions almost every survivor of narcissistic or emotionally abusive relationships eventually asks: How did I not see it?

Spoiler alert: it’s not because you’re naive, dumb, gullible, or any of the garbage your inner critic might fling at you.

I break down exactly why intelligent, empathetic, emotionally aware women end up in these relationships, why the early love bombing feels intoxicating instead of suspicious, and how your nervous system, childhood conditioning, and craving for genuine connection all play a role in overriding those early intuitive nudges.

You’ll hear:

• Why charm is not a personality trait but a manipulation tactic
• How narcissistic partners gather “intel” early on and weaponize it later
• Why your nervous system will often choose the familiar over the healthy
• The real reason you cling to denial longer than you think
• How grief shows up when the truth finally lands
• Why “safe” partners can feel boring or wrong
• How to start rebuilding trust in your intuition without fear

If you’ve ever tortured yourself with “I should have known better,” this episode will feel like a deep exhale. You’ll understand the psychology, the biology, the conditioning and the truth behind why you didn’t see it… and why none of it was your fault.

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