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Your Brain on Love

The Neurobiology of Healthy Relationships
Narrated by: Stan Tatkin PsyD
Length: 5 hrs and 50 mins
4.8 out of 5 stars (203 ratings)

Non-member price: $50.21

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Publisher's Summary

"Understand your brain, improve your relationships." That's what Stan Tatkin has learned from his leading-edge work as a researcher and couples therapist. In this complete audio learning program, he merges current insights from neurobiology and attachment theory to help us shift out of conflict and into deeper and more loving connections. Listeners first learn to identify attachment styles - the patterns of intimacy that begin in our earliest years - both in ourselves and in those around us. Then Tatkin guides us through his proven principles and pratices for biliding enduring security and commitment between couples, family members, and othes that we love.

©2013 Stan Tatkin (P)2013 Stan Tatkin

What listeners say about Your Brain on Love

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Absolutely great

I really enjoyed listening to this book, It's easy to understand and very interesting. I found it to be insightful and provided great information around building and maintaining a great relationship based on our attachment styles. If you are interested in growth and psychology it's an awesome book to listen too. Loved it!!

2 people found this helpful

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If only it went longer...

Loved this, when it ended I find myself feeling disappointed because I wanted to keep going!

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So eye opening

I’ve always wanted to understand why I do what I do in relationships and this has given me all the answers ... thank you

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Fascinating but lacking nuance

This book had some very useful concepts regarding how to build safety and security in a long term relationship. And the first few chapters on the neurobiology of falling in love were excellent. However the framework the author provides to describe different attachment systems doesn’t properly acknowledge or draw from attachment theory work, specifically from the authors of the book Attached. The author ignores disorganised attachment completely and the wave/island dichotomy feels overly simplistic and deterministic. Also given the author’s insistence on taking responsibility for your partner’s emotional safety, it would have been great to have had a chapter detailing the difference between the anchor culture he advocates and unhealthy codependence with poor emotional boundaries. But on the whole a though-provoking book that was very enjoyable to listen to because of the author’s conversational style.

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Easy listen and super informative

Just love this book. So applicable to self understanding and great snippets of humour. Keen to hear more from this author.

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Not what I hoped it would be

I was hoping for more science and practical applications but a lot of the stories over simplify concepts to a level where they feel condescending. Didn't really gain anything useful. Thought lumping everyone into "waves" or "submarines" was silly.

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Engaging and realistic

You'll enjoy this book if you like learning about the 'why behind the why', and if you're just as curious as learning about why you're a pain in the ass, just as much as others are a pain in your ass. I also really appreciated the book reminding us (and not shaming) that 'problems' within people may be a sign of neurodivergence, or mental illness, and they should be explored medically. I really liked Stan's narration too, super calm, felt like I was having a conversation with a friend, rather than being in a theatrical lecture.

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Great information

The information was great but found it difficult to listen to. Narrator tone was monotone

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relationship essential

this book taught me a lot about myself and about my current partner. it makes you think about how to navigate through different types of situations and understand different types of people. I wish I had read this years ago to help with building a secure functioning relationship with each of my partner's.

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practical

not just boring pscycobabble. excellent practical advice. take it! got a lot out of it, great for anyone in relationships, which is everyone

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  • Martin
  • 31-08-2014

Relationship Essential

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

This book is essential reading for anyone in a relationship whether it's going well or not or how new the relationship is. In fact, I believe everyone would benefit from reading this book.

What did you learn from Your Brain on Love that you would use in your daily life?

I thought I was good at relationships but this book and the attachment theory model has broken down all of my old beliefs and I'm now installing new ones. I've had a paradigm shift and my priorities (values, if you will) have been re-organised. I now see that the relationship is paramount, not the individual. Two people together in a secure functioning relationship can achieve much more with their lives than if they were to operate independently. I will apply what I have learned here and with further study I will become a better man and help my partner feel understood and secure in my love.

24 people found this helpful

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  • Mona
  • 22-08-2013

A must read (and reread for the rest of your life!

I'm so happy I got this book because the sample clip is horrible. It says absolutely nothing about the content of the book. I heard about this book from someone on the radio and it sounded so interesting that I looked up the author Stan Tatkin on YouTube. He has a short video on a homecoming exercise that gives you a little taste of what this book is about.

I have learned more about myself and why I act the way that I do in relationships, from this book than from all the counselors and other books I've read, all put together.

18 people found this helpful

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  • Jenifer
  • 06-04-2015

Interesting concepts but it gets a little silly

This book had some interesting science behind it. The first half focuses on some pretty silly and overly simplified terminology. Are you an island or a submarine or an airplane or a wave?? Dr. Tatkin explains that few people fit into just one category. Even as heuristic devices, they don't really hold water. The second half of the book is worth the wait though. It gives some real insight into ways that the average person can create and maintain a "couple bubble".

6 people found this helpful

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  • CeeCeeBee
  • 10-05-2019

Lacking the female/feminine perspective

Sure, there are some good points about attachment and things to look for when dealing with anxious and avoidant types, however there are a lot of troubling assertions that you should put up with what can be described as abusive and emotional laborious behavior in the name of your partner. Particularly the disparagement of so-called "Islands". The author goes out of his way in the beginning to say "None of these types are 'wrong'", but then spends the rest of the book telling Islands that they are wrong to want to establish boundaries and take time for themselves. According to the author you need to be available 24/7 for your partner, and provide all of your partners needs no matter how damaging it is to your own psyche. If you are in an argument, trying to establish healthy boundaries and take care of your needs, and your partner calls 20 times and leaves long, troubling voicemails in the name of "seeing if the relationship is ok", this is NOT acceptable behavior! I feel like what this book lacks is the perspective of a woman who has had to deal with being the sole system of support for her male partner. She might seem like an Island because she's fighting for identity and autonomy against a man-child who sucks everything from the atmosphere. The author states that we need to "parent" our partners, but every woman can tell you that it often doesn't go both ways, and she ends up "parenting" just about everyone in her household. The author does nothing to discuss the need for friends and a social circle outside of the relationship. He says that "Anchors" acknowledge the need for it, but doesn't go into how it should operate. If you're with a "Wave" no amount of time away from them seems reasonable, and according to the author the "Island" should accommodate that. THIS IS DANGEROUS TO WOMEN.

5 people found this helpful

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  • Dennis
  • 29-04-2014

Fantastic

Any additional comments?

Stan Tatkin's presentation style grew on me as I listened. He presents information on relationships from several scientific sources in a compelling, engaging and personable way. I listened twice back to back. This is a great resourse for any couple.

4 people found this helpful

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  • Fnavacerrada
  • 02-01-2014

I loved it

It's more psychology than it is neurology but the character types he describes and the interactions between them were very accurate and useful for me

4 people found this helpful

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  • JD
  • 21-12-2013

Life Changing Book

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

For some of us, a stable long-term relationship eludes us and we often wonder why. As a 30 something year old who never had a LTR, I had to come to terms with my "Island" or "Avoidant" attachment style. This book provides you with a slap in the face and you realize, relationships are messy, people are annoying but they can also be rewarding. In this book more than any other book, you learn the acceptance of your partner and realize you are responsible their happiness and well being as much as he or she is responsible for yours. For someone like me who is very guarded and often expect others to rely on themselves this was truly a paradigm shift in the way I looked at human relationships, not just romantic relationships.

What other book might you compare Your Brain on Love to and why?

I listen to "Attached: Thew New Science of Adult Attachment And How It Can Help you Find- And Keep Love" by Rachel Heller and Amir Levine. That was a good book and if you have sometime, I would recommend listening or reading that book first to get a good understanding of Adult Attachment Style. However "Your Brian on Love" really for me knocks it out of the park by giving you a solid framework and tool to make any relationship where both parties are interested in making it work the instructions to have a secure stable relationship.

What does Stan Tatkin bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

The author Stan Tatkin read the book. At first his voice can come off as irritating because of his accent but I quickly warmed up to it. His voice has a certain warmth that envelopes you. The way he read he book made me feel like we were friends and he was giving some sage wisdom on a nice summer evening on the porch.

6 people found this helpful

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  • Mireille
  • 06-12-2015

Perfect for me! And so many of us...

This book is all I needed it to be. It puts into words many thoughts and feelings and experiences I had and have. Based on sound neuroscience and biology I can relate to, it explained to me attachment styles in a thorough but yet simple way and wrapped everything together which was very enlightening to me. The author / narrator as a very pleasant voice and reading style. Thank you so very much for this gift of a book ! Highly recommend it to anyone interested in learning about him or herself as an individual as well as partner.

2 people found this helpful

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  • Laila
  • 25-08-2013

Definitely Worth a Read!

What did you like about this audiobook?

I liked how it was so simple and easy to follow, and also based on studies of logic and neurobiology rather than all the emotional stuff only.

How has the book increased your interest in the subject matter?

Definitely, I'm willing to read more about relationships from a more practical side, and to look into how people think in general.

Does the author present information in a way that is interesting and insightful, and if so, how does he achieve this?

Yes, it's easy, and very simple, so it keeps one interested the whole time.

What did you find wrong about the narrator's performance?

Nothing bothered me.

2 people found this helpful

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  • mgrubi
  • 26-06-2018

Promotes victimism

This book basically states that we are all screwed up from our childhood in one way or another. We are victims of poor parenting and therefore it becomes our spouse's responsibility to take care of us in our broken state. I fundamentally disagree. We are not victims. Rather we can count the blessing we have, become whole people on our own, and then we can be a healthy partner.

4 people found this helpful

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  • Busy Bee
  • 29-11-2018

Indispensable reference

I greatly enjoyed this audio book. Dr Tatkin is very clear and engaging and explains the neuroscience basis of love and attachment in a deeply enjoyable way. I highly recommend this book to anyone seeking a lasting, solid relationship.

1 person found this helpful

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  • myname
  • 24-11-2018

Amazing man, amazing audiobook, real insight.

An amazing individual with real, evidence based insight into human relationships and neuroscience. 11/10 would recommend to anyone.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Catriona B
  • 10-02-2020

Excellent

Easy to understand and relatable view on attachment theory. A must read for anyone - single or in a relationship.

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  • Becky Adjei
  • 04-02-2020

It all makes sense now!!

What an eye opener! It has articulated very well what relationships are like with different types of people and how best you can relate. This is definitely a book I would recommend!

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  • Rosie
  • 04-01-2020

Truly worth the read, just mind blowing

I really enjoyed this book, the narrating, the material and the knowledge that comes from is was fantastic. If you would like to understand your relationships overall, and your love relationships in depth you need to get this book! It was just what I needed at the right time. Thank you for such a fantastic book, and advice. I would highly recommend getting this book!

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  • E. Gilbert
  • 31-08-2019

A must listen for everyone

Thoroughly enjoyed it. Good narrator and very entertaining. Lots of practical information to understand one’s attachment preference and that of loved ones. Illuminating.

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  • Lee P
  • 13-04-2018

Eye opening read

At times it felt like this book was written about my ex wife and I, after finishing it I realised that that's because it actually was. It was written about and for every single one of us and it has helped me immensely.

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  • Susanne S.
  • 28-11-2017

A must read. A great wedding gift

This book is a must read. Very accessible for both men and women. This book literally saved my marriage. It has transformed my perceptions of my marriage, my partner and our problems, and given us strategies for how to resolve our problems. The strategies are clear, useable and delivered in a non-threatening way. The authors voice and tone is really pleasant to listen to. I would gift this book to every couple on their wedding day. I wish had read this 20 years ago.