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Unconditional Parenting

Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason
Narrated by: Alfie Kohn
Length: 8 hrs and 41 mins
4.5 out of 5 stars (30 ratings)

Non-member price: $30.74

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Publisher's Summary

One basic need all children have, educator Alfie Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including "time outs"), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Kohn cites a body of powerful and largely unknown research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send.

More than just another book about discipline, Unconditional Parenting addresses the ways parents think about, feel about, and act with their children. It invites them to question their most basic assumptions about raising kids while offering a wealth of practical strategies for shifting from "doing to" to "working with" parenting - including how to replace praise with the unconditional support that children need to grow into healthy, caring, responsible people.

©2005 Alfie Kohn (P)2016 Tantor

What members say

Average Customer Ratings

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every parent should read this

got through this very easily, great book, easy to listen to, changed the way I view my parenting and my parents

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

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Clear and convincing: unconditional love

Helped me see more clearly the meaning and impact of my actions and words on the child. Thank you.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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Amazing and life changing

Really great listen. Love the way Alfie backs up his points with research. Transformational read for parents and caregivers to change the relationships and the way they relate to the children in their lives.

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Opened my eyes

Really enjoyed it and took some useful learnings which has improved my relationship with my child.

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Brilliant!Amazing

highly recommend this book. it just makes sense. I tried these techniques and OMG they work.....thank you.

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  • sarah
  • 15-04-2017

This book has been thought provoking and a revelation.

This audio has been so thought provoking I felt I needed to leave a review (the first I've ever written).

This audio has challenged the way I have been interacting with my child on every level. It's made me stop and think and treat my 5 year old with respect and as little human being in his own right with his own thoughts and feelings.

I'd fallen into the trap of do this, do that, do as I say and then getting cross with him when he didn't, leaving me struggling to get him to comply.

The best words of advice from this audio... talk less, listen more!

We now discuss things, work out solutions together. Explain why we are doing things or not to do things. I'm teaching my son empathy, problem solving, negotiating skills instead of teaching him to just follow rules!

We've a long way to go but Ina few short weeks we're connecting more, have less tears, life is easier and more fun!

Although a little slow to get going, do bare with it because the tools you will take away will be invaluable.

Highly recommended.

9 of 9 people found this review helpful

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  • pepperstree
  • 22-02-2017

must read

In the multitude of trends and advice on disciplining practices this book is a breath of fresh air, concentrating on principles of education. When you love your child this way is a no brainier as it does not require that you be mean or manipulative. The only but is that it is really hard work as it requires sooo much patience and often time.

6 of 6 people found this review helpful

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  • Megan
  • 08-09-2017

Thought provoking and uplifting

If you open your mind to the worldview of Alfie Kohn presented in this book then it will change your life! Or it has for me. Rather than suggesting a parenting methodology, this book presents a parenting philosophy. It will certainly be difficult to change my actions in accordance with my new beliefs about human cognition and behaviour, but I'm excited to try!

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • JB
  • 25-09-2018

Challenging and thought provoking

I found this book gave me strength to follow my intuition when I have been told I am being too soft on my kids. This book isn’t about letting them do what ever they like but about giving them what they need by seeing them as unique and individual, stopping to see things from their perspective, and giving them space to be at the stage that they naturally are. It takes a lot of patience and can be inconvenient at times, I’m thinking more about how I say things and whether what I expect is reasonable. It’s about keeping a long term view of the qualities you’d like to see develop in their characters and giving them a solid sense of being truly loved. I highly recommend this book.

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  • marie
  • 11-03-2018

Revolutionary

I loved this book. A sound presentation of a revolutionary method of parenting. Would highly recommend to any parent.

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  • C. E. Scurr
  • 22-06-2017

Refreshing

This book strongly affirms many of the principles of 'No Drama Discipline'. The approach of non judgement has definitely had a significant positive impact in our small family.

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  • AK
  • 15-04-2018

Too much criticism of 'conditional' parenting

Is there anything you would change about this book?

Less critique of other parenting styles and more positive illustrations of this style.

Has Unconditional Parenting put you off other books in this genre?

No

Which scene did you most enjoy?

Last 2 chapters were most useful

Could you see Unconditional Parenting being made into a movie or a TV series? Who would the stars be?

Could be a movie. Like pursuit of happy kids tale.

0 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • Alan
  • 12-05-2017

A bit on the extreme side

The fact that the author's solution to his daughter not getting ready for school on time in the morning is to allow her to sleep in her school clothes should tell you al lot about his 'ideas' on parenting. He also seems to refer a lot to research carried out decades ago.

0 of 2 people found this review helpful