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Unconditional Parenting

Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason

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Unconditional Parenting

By: Alfie Kohn
Narrated by: Alfie Kohn
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About this listen

One basic need all children have, educator Alfie Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including "time outs"), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Kohn cites a body of powerful and largely unknown research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send.

More than just another book about discipline, Unconditional Parenting addresses the ways parents think about, feel about, and act with their children. It invites them to question their most basic assumptions about raising kids while offering a wealth of practical strategies for shifting from "doing to" to "working with" parenting - including how to replace praise with the unconditional support that children need to grow into healthy, caring, responsible people.

©2005 Alfie Kohn (P)2016 Tantor Parenting & Families Relationships School-Age Children Teenagers
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Really great listen. Love the way Alfie backs up his points with research. Transformational read for parents and caregivers to change the relationships and the way they relate to the children in their lives.

Amazing and life changing

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Helped me see more clearly the meaning and impact of my actions and words on the child. Thank you.

Clear and convincing: unconditional love

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This book describes a way of being with your children that puts relationship, respect and autonomy together, allowing for true learning through collaboration with, rather than “doing to” kids. It has helped me realign to my values instead of letting schools scare me into their behaviourist approaches that I know don’t work for my neurodivergent son. Alfie’s approach actually builds the skills we want children to learn instead of trying to control and “manage” behaviours where children don’t “learn” anything. Love it. I wish our schools and systems would use this approach and actually engage with kids instead of shaming, controlling and alienating them.

Must read for parents of neurodivergent children.

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got through this very easily, great book, easy to listen to, changed the way I view my parenting and my parents

every parent should read this

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highly recommend this book. it just makes sense. I tried these techniques and OMG they work.....thank you.

Brilliant!Amazing

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