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Publisher's Summary

In this fully expanded and updated third edition of the best-selling classic, you learn why verbal abuse is more widespread than ever, and how you can deal with it. You'll get more of the answers you need to recognize abuse when it happens, respond to abusers safely and appropriately, and most important, lead a happier, healthier life.

In two all-new chapters, Evans reveals the outside stresses driving the rise in verbal abuse - and shows you how you can mitigate the devastating effects on your relationships. She also outlines the levels of abuse that characterize this kind of behavior - from subtle, insidious put-downs that can erode your self-esteem to full-out tantrums of name-calling, screaming, and threatening that can escalate into physical abuse.

Drawing from hundreds of real situations suffered by real people just like you, Evans offers strategies, sample scripts, and action plans designed to help you deal with the abuse - and the abuser.

This timely new edition of The Verbally Abusive Relationship puts you on the road to recognizing and responding to verbal abuse, one crucial step at a time!

©2009 Patricia Evans (P)2018 Simon & Schuster

What listeners say about The Verbally Abusive Relationship, Expanded Third Edition

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The Bible

This has helped me immensely. This should be prescribed to all people in any abusive relationship.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 19-10-2019

Caution is needed

The book is very definite and sure as to who is the abusive person, and why they behave like this, And that
they should be given rigid limits.
My wife did use a lot this kind of verbal/ emotional patterns of guilt, anger withdrawal mentioned in the book.
Listening to the book made me be very hard on my limits to this and my right for respect.
This book is very definite about it.
I thought my wife was abusive, and maybe it was somewhat true,
But after couple counseling, I realized that some actual things that were disturbing her, and it was not only to
gain control over me. Also the therapist recommended actually to ignore much of this communication (when I ignore it
it doesn't mean I accept it. I just dont fight all the time). I also need to improve my own behavior.
My point is that if you just want to separate, then no problem. If you read this book, its definite tone, might make you angry and righteous. If you want to give a chance to improve your relationships, you can listen to it. But you might want to have some different points of view also, from other books maybe, or counseling.
You may easily get the wrong impression that your relationship is abusive or there is no repair, when it might not be abusive, and it might be repaired.
All is individual of course, and depends on your own relationship.
Maybe your relationship is abusive and unlikely to be repaired
My relationship did improve a lot, and is improving still, although I was very desperate.
Another point is that even according to this book there is something you do that enables this relationship to happen.
And it might be hard and take time recognise to improve. Just blaming and separating might take you to a similar relationship.

8 people found this helpful

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  • Velma
  • 06-05-2019

Saved me!

This book was what I needed. I never understood abuse for what it is. This book explained it and gave me the tools that I needed to self protect. “Abusive statements are lies about you told to you. They violate your boundaries. The abuser invades your mind makes up a story about your motives and then tells it to you. Accusing and blaming involves lies about your intentions, attitude, motives. Makes you want to explain yourself. “

“Judgments and criticism are lies about ones qualities and performance. They are blows to self-esteem. Defining you violates your personal boundaries. “

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  • Fiona
  • 15-08-2018

SAVE YOURSELF, YOUR SOUL, SPIRIT, AND BRAIN. BUY!

narrator was slow but speed up to 1.05 or such.
if your reading these reviews you started to climb out of the rabbit hole. This is your rope cast down that hole. grab onto it and pull yourself out. everything you think, thought and feel is presented. It will at least help you to ACCEPT you are not crazy which you already kind of figuresd out. some of the techniques you may or may not use but this book will send you on the path to get out. I also recommend safe people and boundaries when you want to exam further how to engage in healthy ways of relating. 2 good books. But right now get your mind back. do not be hopeful you can save the relationship right now worry about your sanity. GET THIS NOW.

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  • Timothy Taylor
  • 23-09-2020

Written Primarily for Women

I am a man struggling with a verbally abusive relationship. At the beginning of the book, she says, basically, if you're a man dealing with abuse, switch the "he/him" for "she/her." That's the last time she addresses men as the abused, other than to say that verbally abusive women rarely change. What good news for me, right?! Don't get me wrong, this book was helpful. As it went on though, I started to tire of having to switch the "he" and "she" for my situation. There are lots of other areas where the book is un-relatable as man. I think the dynamic is way different when a man is the abused and I think it warrants its own book. It's obvious that she doesn't find that dynamic important enough and that got a little old towards the end of the book after listening to everything from the other point of view.

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  • Imaawesum
  • 23-06-2020

Full of generalizations, NOT peer reviewed!

I don't even know where to start. The author claims to be an expert but does not have the educational background in any therapy related area. The entire book is just her opinions and personal experience. She is not a licensed therapist or counselor. Few of her claims if any are based on research or peer reviewed studies. It's full of generalizations about men, women and gender roles.. Please do your research on this author! Being on a few talk shows and owning a company does not make one an expert on relationships.

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  • Mariana
  • 25-02-2021

Sheded light

I am very glad i heard this book and now i can spot when my husband says something abusive and can sense how it make me feel and give my feelings trust. my feelings dont lie. I recommend it!

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  • Sunny
  • 12-12-2020

Be prepared to be triggered

Very good and very insightful. I felt seen and validated. I cried and seen many parallels in my relationships. This is the first step in establishing healthy boundaries for myself.

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  • TSRNurse
  • 20-10-2020

A bolt of reality

I have wondered for years what was happening when things would just disintegrate randomly at home. I always blamed myself and became fearful. Now I realize I'm not crazy, I've been verbally abused for years. This book gives you tools to help you navigate through the abuse and it is very empowering.

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 05-10-2020

Great Insight

Very eye-opening and relatable. The book makes you think and evaluate/reevaluate life. I feel more aware of my actions and the actions of others.

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  • Carrie
  • 22-07-2020

listen to it again

good book insightful and helpful. read a few times. there is some big ideas that need to be comprehended.

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  • Joan, London
  • 04-03-2020

Excellent book

I listened to this on audible and found it very informative. I would definitely recommend.

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  • kerry
  • 02-02-2020

Must have for all men women young adults

the world would be a better place if everybody read this. Its not preachy it just states what should be learnt

1 person found this helpful

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