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The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?

A Woman's Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go
Narrated by: Laural Merlington
Length: 7 hrs and 20 mins
5 out of 5 stars (3 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

In this groundbreaking follow-up to her best-selling books The Verbally Abusive Relationship and Controlling People, Patricia Evans goes beyond identifying verbally abusive behaviors to prescribing a course of action for both victim and abuser. Coupling stories of abused women and abusive men from her own case studies, Evans gives you the tools you need to transform your relationship. Most important, she assures you that such a transformation is possible—given the right circumstances. Evans also helps you determine if your abuser really has changed—or if he’s merely creating the illusion of change. And if he hasn’t changed, Evans helps you decide whether it’s time to leave the relationship—and what to do when it is.

Combining practical applications and the latest clinical research with her trademark support and assurance, Evans shows you how to empower yourself, improve your relationship, and change your life for the better.

©2012 Patricia Evans (P)2013 Brilliance Audio, Inc.

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  • curious23m
  • 16-08-2015

A gift to the emotionally violated

Patricia Evans is a brilliant, compassionate author. There is no author I've found who gets down into the deepest trenches of relational dynamics to explain the underlying issues of so many relationships. You could see countless therapists and not even come close to having your confusion, pain, and emotional anguish validated as you would in this book and the others by Evans. The next steps and tools provided in this book are a great addition to the other books that focus more on discovery and gaining knowledge and validation. Evans takes her profound gift in understanding controlling and verbally abusive behaviors one step further and provides guidance to help you figure out if your partner can change. I'm afraid you may never pick up this book because you aren't aware of what verbal abuse really is and how subtle it can be. It may sound like something you've never had to deal with, and you might be thanking God you haven't when you actually have! I challenge you to open your mind and discover how prevalent verbal abuse really is. Perhaps even those of us who rarely indulge in abusive behaviors would rather never indulge but didn't know we were doing so. We have grown so much as a society, but we have a long way to go. Oppression comes in many forms and Evans is leading the path to recovery for all of us.

7 people found this helpful

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  • Ann
  • 27-10-2015

I'm so grateful for this book!

If you think you are in an emotionally or verbally abusive relationship you will know after going through this book. I am very clear now and that helps more than I could ever describe. I feel validated.

4 people found this helpful

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  • Juanita
  • 11-12-2016

must read.

true insight and explained well. thanks. sadly not much hope of change, because they need to recognize the behavior.

2 people found this helpful

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  • Kindle Customer
  • 20-03-2018

Needed message

Excellent work. Insightful. A must-read for men struggling with anger. Eye-opening and shocking if you can relate to how this behavior affects the ones you love the most.

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  • Danielle Rose
  • 13-07-2016

Change is key

Not an easy listen if you have been verbally abused but so very informative! The last 4 mins summed up real life.

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  • LLLTyler
  • 16-04-2018

Life Saving

This is my first time reading The Verbally Abusive Man.
I also just finished “Controlling People” for second time in the last 10 years. First time was recommended by my marriage counselor. I knew without a douby my husband was controlling. But; by the time I was done with that book, I also realized I had controlling behaviors as well. Unexpectedly, it also taught me how I was defining my daughter and controlling her as well. A lot of my terminology in day to day parenting and conversations changed. I stopped telling my daughter things like “you’re not hungry, your body is just tired, and you need to go back to bed and get sleep”.

I changed it to, “I understand. You could very well be hungry. Usually, when we need to eat it’s because we need more calories for energy. You just had dinner 2 hours ago, and it’s time for bed. Sometimes the body confuses being tired with being hungry. When we need to eat our body releases a hormone called ghrelin that makes us think “I’m hungry”. And, when we’re overly tired, or stressed, the same hunger-sparking hormones appear and gives us hunger pangs...” Then, after a couple questions and a glass of water, or maybe even a compromise like a stick of celery, she was off to bed. I didn’t realize the importance of these things until reading this book. Her book isn’t about parenting necessarily. But, rather it outlines a lot of how the result of parental abuse can lead to kids being abusive and controlling adults. In the end, after reading this book, my husband became physically abusive and that led to divorce. I’m now remarried and don’t want to repeat history. After to my new husband (same text book pattern) he beccame verbally abusive. This time, it was a lot easier to see and understand as a result of my past.

This book “The Verbally Abusive Man” gave me tools on how to respond and handle it, and “The Agreement”. My husband and I now live seperatly while working on our marriage, as he continues to go to counseling to resolve his childhood hurts and communication styles. Meanwhile, my daughter and I are healing and recovering from the trauma and attend counseling as work to towards bringing our family back together again. It hasn’t been easy ... but I think it’ll be worth it. THANK YOU PATRICIA EVANS for saving my life. and my spirit.

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  • Nichole Mcintosh
  • 27-06-2020

Gives you an Action Plan

It was a comprehensive discussion on verbal abuse. Patricia describes how historically women have been told who they are and what they think & feel by men. It provides real-life examples of what statements are abusive. Confessions from partners who've experienced the abuse and the abusers themselves. She walks through a step-by-step plan to help make your decision to stay or end the relationship. Calling out that change is essential.

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  • Sarah Ruggera
  • 06-03-2020

helpful

This book is very helpful in determining whether or not your partner can change !!

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  • Victoria W.
  • 16-11-2019

a much needed dose of wisdom

I needed some wisdom for my marriage to a verbally abusive man. This book is a really great tool for helping me understand how to ask for the change that I want, or how to find the courage to leave if I need to. She outlines an agreement that you should make that's a mutual agreement, to try to wake up your abuser to what they are doing and see if they can understand and change.

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  • Justin
  • 12-05-2019

This book reinforces Victimization

If you want to reinforce the end of your marriage then this book is for you!
If you want to take accountability for your part in a marriage then Avoid this book

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 09-05-2019

Excellent! Life-changing/saving book.

This book helps me to undestand my own situation. It was just fantastic. Please read it! Even better if you are a man searching how to change.