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The Person You Mean to Be

How Good People Fight Bias
Length: 9 hrs and 5 mins
4.5 out of 5 stars (2 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

Foreword by Laszlo Bock, the best-selling author of Work Rules! and former senior vice president of People Operations at Google.

An inspiring guide from Dolly Chugh, an award-winning social psychologist at the New York University Stern School of Business, on how to confront difficult issues including sexism, racism, inequality, and injustice so that you can make the world (and yourself) better.

Many of us believe in equality, diversity, and inclusion. But how do we stand up for those values in our turbulent world? The Person You Mean to Be is the smart, "semi-bold" person’s guide to fighting for what you believe in.

Dolly reveals the surprising causes of inequality, grounded in the "psychology of good people". Using her research findings in unconscious bias as well as work across psychology, sociology, economics, political science, and other disciplines, she offers practical tools to respectfully and effectively talk politics with family, to be a better colleague to people who don’t look like you, and to avoid being a well-intentioned barrier to equality. Being the person we mean to be starts with a look at ourselves.

She argues that the only way to be on the right side of history is to be a good-ish - rather than good - person. Good-ish people are always growing. Second, she helps you find your "ordinary privilege" - the part of your everyday identity you take for granted, such as race for a white person, sexual orientation for a straight person, gender for a man, or education for a college graduate. This part of your identity may bring blind spots, but it is your best tool for influencing change. Third, Dolly introduces the psychological reasons that make it hard for us to see the bias in and around us. She leads you from willful ignorance to willful awareness. Finally, she guides you on how, when, and whom, to engage (and not engage) in your workplaces, homes, and communities. Her science-based approach is a method any of us can put to use in all parts of our life.

Whether you are a long-time activist or new to the fight, you can start from where you are. Through the compelling stories Dolly shares and the surprising science she reports, Dolly guides each of us closer to being the person we mean to be.

©2018 Dolly Chugh (P)2018 HarperCollins Publishers

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  • Rachel Campbell
  • 25-05-2019

Wonderfully explains feelings I have and I have work to do

As a black man I've felt all kinds of things inside that I couldn't actually articulate until I read this book. The book is well organized and breaks down how to think about bias and allyship. Packed with science, humor, and stories it delivers amazing content. Dolly's humor and willingness to share her bad moments really halp this book land. If you think you have room for improvement when it comes to bias (Spoiler: we all do). I highly recommend this book.

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  • WhidbeySeattle
  • 02-11-2018

Best “How-to” guide!

Every page, every chapter was a learning experience as well as hope-providing. Dolly is a wonderful writer - capable of connecting science and information to personal storytelling. I’ve dogeared a hard copy and found this Audible version very much a daily standard for me. Anyone who claims to care about their neighbors and desire a more positive world should read this book today.

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  • jaga
  • 07-11-2018

Prepare to be surprised…and uncomfortable

Most of us want to make the world a better, fairer place, fighting bias of all types. Most of us do not think we’re part of the problem. But we are, even if we don’t mean to be. Dolly Chugh’s book will show you many examples of how systemic bias plays out in real life and most importantly, what you can do about it. Chugh makes an important distinction at the outset, between believers and builders, with the former having a fixed mindset and the latter having a growth mindset (see the work of Carol Dweck). Many of us are believers, not as many builders. And before you allow your defense mechanisms to kick in, know that a good deal of bias happens in the subconscious. Opt for willful awareness instead of willful ignorance. If we don’t see the problem, or don’t believe it applies to us, we can’t make it better. And there lies the conundrum. But with a bit of effort, you can recognize your own blind spots and use your privilege to the benefit of others. We’re all part of various organizations, our local communities, our global village. Try to see the world through the eyes of others. In our connected world, it is easier to do this now than ever before. But you must make the effort to do so. This is an extraordinary book, really ground breaking. It may make you uncomfortable at times, but change / progress is like that.

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  • nobarrier
  • 15-09-2020

Inspirational - Essential reading

Dolly Chugh provides an inspirational perspective on injustice, inequality, racism, sexism, and other “isms” using a growth mindset to be inclusive; addressing, confronting, and having conversations about equality. As a Black, educated, female working in higher education, I will fight bias while becoming the Person I Mean to Be!

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  • Vignesh Sundar
  • 29-04-2020

A book I'd preserve in my shelf!

Yes, this is one of those you'd like to hang on to and refer to when you want to keep learning the topic. what i loved about the book is that, its not "preachy", but connects with you with true stories that make you think differently. Dont expect to finish this one sitting coz this is a book that you really want to internalize and introspect. The book talks about concepts like growth mindset, echo Chambers that some of us may be already aware of.. but to actually see how these concepts overlay in our personal lives was something else. If you are looking for practical ways to be continuously better that are backed by solid research, then this book is for you.

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  • S. Ge
  • 12-03-2020

Amazing

Fresh insight! It helps me be a better person! Highly recommend! Also, Dolly is funny. Absolutely delightful!

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 10-01-2020

Such an important book!

After starting to read "The Person You Mean to Be," I put it down because it was clear that I wanted extended, uninterrupted time to read it--so I saved it for the holiday break. There are so many gems in this book that I look forward to doing something that I never do -- re-reading it! However, I so appreciated a couple of things that I wanted to point out. Dolly Chugh's vulnerability throughout the book made me want to be a better leader. It is hard to put into words how brave she is and how much of an impact that had on me. Also, her examples of how to speak to those with whom you don't agree (or find offensive even) in ways that invite civil conversation were so helpful! Thank you Dolly, for this important contribution to the civility of our society.

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  • Bina R.
  • 12-06-2019

Woke yet?

Brian Stevenson says it's time for Americans to deal with the Race Issue and hopefully one day put it behind us.

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  • Kristina Steffenson
  • 10-05-2019

Read this book

Do yourself a favor - read this book of hope, inspiration, evidence, practical tips and clear-eyed love for every person , no matter how flawed or lost, to become part of the solution our hurting world and our kids desperately need.

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 15-04-2019

Great Book Read Robotically

Pro: The writing and the meaning! The message of this book is so important, and it's well conveyed in the writing. Clearly a very good book, well worth the read. References other materials that are worth checking out, as well. Con: The delivery. The narration is so robotic. I stopped and started through 5 chapters, but just couldn't finish the audiobook. It sounds like Siri reading an instruction manual.

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  • Exerciser UK
  • 18-08-2020

Enjoyable and thought provoking

This book is full of practical ideas and suggestions for how we can take action to make the world a fairer place. Towards the end of the book, in particular, there's plenty of advice on how to confront prejudiced people and which battles to pick and which to leave. There's also interesting advice on how to support others. I'll definitely read this again and make notes. It's an easy listen and the stories the author shares bring the scientific research to life.