The Cost of Quiet
How to Have the Hard Conversations That Create Secure, Lasting Love
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The Cost of Quiet
Narrated by:
Colette Jane Fehr
Buy Now for $26.99
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Narrated by:
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Colette Jane Fehr
About this listen
'I wish I had spoken up sooner.'
People think relationships fail because of deal breakers like infidelity, finances, or parenting problems. But the real culprit is often much less dramatic: emotional disconnection after years of staying silent and avoiding conflict. We're afraid to say what we need because we worry about what will come next.
Avoidant behaviour - the need to 'keep the peace' rather than dealing with conflict head on - isn't our fault. Our ingrained attachment wiring urges us to sidestep day-to-day disputes and brush lingering problems under the rug. But silence is a losing proposition in the long term, leading us to self-abandon and essentially 'quiet quit' our relationships.
We can make another choice. In The Cost of Quiet, licensed marriage and family therapist Colette Jane Fehr shines a light on the epidemic of avoidant behaviour and how to overcome it. Drawing from the latest attachment science and evidence-based therapies she's used to repair the bond between hundreds of couples, Fehr gives us the tools to approach those we love with openness, honesty and vulnerability. The ultimate goal: a securely attached relationship that engages with conflict productively, and the confidence that comes from speaking up and being heard - because a good relationship is worth fighting for.©2026 Colette Jane Fehr
Critic Reviews
'Fehr has written The Cost of Quiet to help others in her position to be more assertive about tensions in their relationship from the outset, rather than burying their heads in the sand for a quiet life.... [she] talks readers through how to express their frustrations with their partner kindly and clearly.' Julia Llewellyn Smith, The Times
'This book is a must-read for anyone who has ever silenced themselves to keep the peace. Colette Fehr offers a liberating path forward - one rooted in honesty, connection, and the courage to speak up.' Jessica Baum, LMHC, author of Anxiously Attached and Safe: An Attachment-Informed Guide to Building Secure Relationships
'In The Cost of Quiet, Colette Jane Fehr shines a compassionate light on the hidden toll of avoiding tough conversations. With clarity and heart, she shows that 'conflict' isn't a dirty word and that speaking up with love can deepen connection, foster understanding and even save a marriage. If you want more harmony and happiness in your relationships, this book is a must-read.' Marci Shimoff, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Happy for No Reason and Chicken Soup for the Woman's Soul
'What if the very conversations you've been avoiding are the key to deeper, stronger relationships? In The Cost of Quiet, Colette Jane Fehr reveals why conflict, when faced with courage, can be the greatest act of love. This book will change how you connect forever.' Marie Forleo, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Everything Is Figureoutable
'The Cost of Quiet will give you the courage and clarity you need to finally start speaking up and showing up as your most authentic self. Colette's brilliant work is the medicine our world has been waiting for, helping countless people discover their power to keep it real and true. In doing so, she reveals the highest and best that love has to offer.' Katherine Woodward Thomas, New York Times bestselling author of What's True About You: 7 Steps to Move Beyond Your Painful Past and Manifest Your Brightest Future
'The book's central insight is revolutionary yet simple: staying quiet to 'keep the peace' actually creates the very disconnection we're trying to prevent. The Cost of Quiet offers hope that it's never too late to transform both your relationship with yourself and others through the power of truthful, loving communication. This is not just a book; it's a transformative journey toward personal liberation.' Dr Nadine Macaluso, author of Run Like Hell: A Therapist's Guide to Recognizing, Escaping, and Healing from Trauma Bonds
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