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Raising Resilient Children with a Borderline or Narcissistic Parent

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Raising Resilient Children with a Borderline or Narcissistic Parent

By: Margalis Fjelstad, Jean McBride
Narrated by: Senn Annis
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About this listen

Bloomsbury presents Raising Resilient Children with a Borderline or Narcissistic Parent by Margalis Fjelstad and Jean McBride, read by Senn Annis.

Being partnered with a narcissist or borderline personality can be hard enough, but learning how to shield children from the fallout is paramount. Here, the authors show readers how to manage parenting when a narcissistic or borderline partner is part of the equation.

Life in a narcissistic family system is at best challenging, and too often filled with chaos, isolation, emotional outbursts, and rigid controlling behaviors. It is too often devoid of peace and emotional safety. In the worst outcomes, children in these families grow up with low self-worth, issues with trust and belonging, and a lack of self-compassion. They are at significant risk of carrying the cycle forward and having poor adult relationships.

This book offers a way to intervene and disrupt the cycle of negative outcomes for children. Written by two family therapists who bring a combined total of sixty years of clinical practice with individuals and families, the book pulls no punches, giving clear-headed advice, easy to follow actions to help children, and an abundance of teaching examples.

Instead of the doom and gloom scenarios often presented about life with a narcissist or borderline, this book provides a much more positive outlook, and most importantly, it offers hope and a path to an entirely different outcome for the family members. Supported by current research in neuroscience, mindfulness and parenting information, the book focuses on teaching resilience and self-compassion to raise emotionally healthy children, even in a narcissistic family system.

It starts by helping parents get a clear understanding of what they face with a narcissistic or borderline partner. There is no room here for denial, but there are also many options to explore. It explains how and why the narcissistic family system functions so poorly for raising healthy children, and pinpoints the deficits while providing information on how to intervene more effectively for the benefit of the children.

Using their years of experience, the authors present ideas for staying together as well as knowing when to leave the relationship and how best to do that. Emphasis throughout the book is on supporting and strengthening the reader with encouragement, concrete ideas, skills and compassionate understanding.

©2020 Margalis Fjelstad and Jean McBride (P)2020 Rowman & Littlefield
Abuse Dysfunctional Families Mental Health Parenting & Families Personal Development Personality Disorders Psychology Psychology & Mental Health Relationships

Critic Reviews

If you are raising a child with a high conflict partner, you owe it to your children to read this book. With compassion toward everyone involved, the authors help parents overcome their fear and doubt to stop caretaking their partner—a child-like adult with a personality disorder—and put their energy into protecting their real children from high conflict behavior, which can put them at risk for lifelong psychological problems. With the publication of this well-written and exciting book, parents now have the tools to be their child’s advocate, setting them up for a lifetime of success. (Randi Kreger, borderline and narcissistic personality disorders expert and advocate for families, the author/coauthor of Stop Walking on Eggshells and The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder)
Seasoned professionals Margalis Fjelstad and Jean McBride clarify and validate the uniquely challenging experience of parenting with a narcissistic or borderline partner and provide science-based, practical-minded advice and strategies for how to nurture self-compassion and resilience in children in such homes. A much-needed addition to the literature on narcissistic families, this insightful book will help you counterbalance your partner’s emotional instability and selfishness with your own realistic expectations, proactive problem-solving, ongoing self-care, and, most importantly, loving connectedness with your kids. (Julie L. Hall, author of "The Narcissist in Your Life: Recognizing the Patterns and Learning to Break Free")
A thorough and supportive guide for the growing dilemma of raising a child with a self-absorbed, unstable and angry co-parent. I can strongly recommend this insightful book to any reasonable parent, after working with thousands of dysfunctional families. You can raise a healthy child even in these difficult circumstances. (Bill Eddy, co-founder of the High Conflict Institute and developer of the New Ways for Families® method, author of "Don't Alienate the Kids," co-author of "Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality)
All stars
Most relevant
There is sufficient explanation of attributes a narcissistic or boarderline parent may have and what the family dynamic looks like. However it doesn’t leave you feeling hopeless about being in this situation. This book not only helps you with strategies for dealing with a spouse or co-parent with a personality disorder but also gives you a sense of control and optimism that your children will be okay because you will be their safety net. Practical parenting guidance is provided throughout. I will be listening to this book again!!

This book helped me immensely

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After living with a partner with NPD for twenty years, I couldn’t work out why couples counseling wasn’t quite right for us. This book was very informative and I feel validated for the path I took for my children. This audiobook was well narrated and I recommend it to any parent who feels like they are going crazy trying to be both a parent and a partner to someone with NPD or BPD.

Couples counseling is not always the answer

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Informative guide to raising kids in a disfunctional family. Easy to understand and put into practice. Great reference book for raising kids full stop.

Survival guide for parent partner to narcissist.

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Sometimes it’s so easy to feel like you’re drowning in this dynamic in the house. I love my partner so very much, but managing the awful outbursts of rage makes life pretty stressful. It’s not something many friends or family know or understand. This book was so reassuring, and gave practical advice to deal with what’s going on. Highly recommend it to any other parents in the same position.

The best book if you are juggling a partner with BPD or NPD

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This book is offensive. It generalises everyone with BPD or NPD as the same and portrays them as the other or the villain. This isn’t helpful for children or the family unit at all. I was looking for advice on how to be a good parent but instead I got prejudice.

Full of stigma and outdated ideas

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I mistakenly thought this book was about parenting beyond narcissistic relationships however only a few chapters at the end address this. Whilst a lot of ideas to get through when still living with an abusive partner the book gave me such a feel of letting the npd/bpd get away with their behaviour and not enough on how unhealthy it is for you and your children to remain in such a situation. Helpful if you’ve only just clued on to your situation but if you’ve been reading on the is subject for awhile it will only be minimally helpful in helping you parent beyond the end of the relationship

Good but better suited to those still in the trenches

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