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Parsnips, Buttered

Bamboozle and Boycott Modern Life, One Email at a Time
Narrated by: Joe Lycett
Length: 3 hrs and 43 mins
4.5 out of 5 stars (84 ratings)

Non-member price: $39.02

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Publisher's Summary

In this book I have attempted to solve each and every one of life's problems. And I have succeeded.

Dear Listener,

Using letters, emails, tweets and telegrams I will show you how the things in your life that make you sad, low or anxious can soon appear trivial, insignificant and like a fish. In short, I will butter your parsnips.

Life is hard. We are a bombarded generation: Facebook, billboards, Twitter, Instagram, taxes, newspapers, watches monitoring our sleep, apps that read our pulse, terrorism. There's such an onslaught to the senses these days it's a marvel any of us manage to get out of bed. I love bed.

While we are overwhelmed and confused by the miasmic cloud of information, there are those that seek to take advantage: there are parking fines, hate tweets, Nigerian email scams and Christmas newsletters from old school friends about their ugly kids. And just as we're getting round to doing something about it, we're distracted again.

I, Joe Lycett, comedian, wordsmith, and professional complainer, am here to help. During my short life of doing largely nothing I've discovered solutions to many of life's problems, which I impart to you, dear Listener. Containing a centurion of complaint letters to unsuspecting celebrities, companies and anyone brave enough to clog up my phone, as well as illustrations, one-liners, jokes and life hacks, this little gem offers you a collection of tips and advice* for all manner of modern woe. By the time you have finished listening to this book you will have learnt how to:

  • Reverse a parking fine
  • Manipulate the tabloid press
  • Navigate social media
  • Respond to hate mail
  • Out-weird Internet trolls
  • Contest a so-called ripe avocado
  • Send the perfect Christmas newsletter
  • Defeat ISIS
  • Take down multinational companies

AND MUCH, MUCH MORE!

Joe Lycett x

* If you are looking for guidance with taxes, quitting smoking, moving house, love, divorce, education, health care or anything actually important may I recommend speaking to friends or family members and not consulting a book by a comedian who eats halloumi at least twice a day.

©2016 Joe Lycett (P)2016 Hodder & Stoughton

What members say

Average Customer Ratings

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Disgruntling, Irritating and Messy

This audiobook contained little to no information on butter, parsnips nor buttered parsnips. And the further I invested my dwindling time on this earth into this mildly-amusing read, the more it became apparent that Joe had no intention to do so. Whatsmore, at the conclusion of the audiobook, my device exploded with glitter which has made masturbating quite painful.

I hope you're well. Kind regards. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

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Hilarious

Very passive aggressive and delightfully hilarious. Read by Joe himself so the tone for the narration is perfect.

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

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Wonderful!

My only complaint is that this book is only 3 hrs and 43 mins.

Loved it!

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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Joe Lycett the guy who all councils should fear !

Greatly appreciated the mindless and numbness unhelpful nature of this book. Full of useful but useless information to tackle various aspects of life and councils. All which take aweful amount of time.Which Joe Lycett seems to have a lot of ,loved the audio.1

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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Worst Cookbook Ever

Would you try another book written by Joe Lycett or narrated by Joe Lycett?

I would assume anyone from the Third Reich or an fifth of the Kardashians

Any additional comments?

The majority of these recipes are either unintelligible or missing key ingredients

3 of 5 people found this review helpful

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  • Felicity
  • KINGLAKE WEST, VIC
  • 29-03-2019

Hilarious

Laughed the whole way through. Joe is hilarious! Would highly recommend to anyone in need of a good belly laugh

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so good

amazing loved it if you love joe lycett you will love this book will .

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loved it

laughed for the whole book. I used all of the tips and tricks :) thanks joe

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Funny, entertaining totally listenable.

loved it. listened more than once. if you want to have a laugh do yourself a favour. listen.

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Hilarious!

If you enjoy Joe Lycett’s stand up, you’ll love this! His anecdotes of annoying people via Email, Twitter, and Facebook are all unique enough to stay fresh. I couldn’t put it down and would recommend it to absolutely anyone who doesn’t mind a bit of crude language.

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  • Greg
  • 22-04-2019

LMFAO

This book kept me laughing so hard, I actually had to stop listening to it a work after I choked and spit my coffee at my computer screen, because I laughed so hard. I love Joe Lycett he is the best comedian EVER!!

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  • Do You Want To Play Golf
  • 09-04-2019

laugh out loud funny

Always loved Joe Lycett. This book did not disappoint. And it was in Joe's own voice! All class.

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  • Heather
  • 24-09-2018

been waiting and watching for Joe Lycett to write

Youngest son and I enjoyed good laughs together listening to this as a bedtime story!
Thanks for being on audible, I am pre-ordering your next release!

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  • Anonymous User
  • 09-08-2018

Very entertaining!

Anyone who enjoys British humor ought to enjoy Joe’s book. His performance is perfect and makes the book 100 times more enjoyable. If you like light-hearted comedy and some ridiculous ‘one liner’ jokes, you’d probably enjoy this one.

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  • Gillian Hodkinson
  • 06-08-2018

Hilarious and addicting to listen to!

I love this book! Joe Lycett is one of my favourite and most relatable comedians. I have listened to this audiobook over and over again. No matter how many times I listen to it, there is something new that makes me laugh!

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  • Salinger
  • 29-06-2018

Amazing, truly

I own this book in paperback form as well as audiobook. The fact that Joe Lycett himself reads it makes it hilarious and easy to get into. Joe Lycett is a brilliant British comedian and I hope to see more from him soon. If you like British comedy or just enjoy a guy writing emails to mess with people then this book is for you. Buy it now to listen to!

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  • Brentin
  • 05-11-2017

Good, but needs more original content

I first discovered Joe Lycett after his video about getting out of a parking fine went viral. Thanks to YouTube, I was able to watch a few more of his stand-ups, then I saw a clip where he was promoting this book. So I checked Audible, and seeing that is was available on here, I promptly dl'd it.

The book is entertaining, and fairly short. However, my enjoyment of his stand-up on YouTube worked against me, as a few of the bits from his act are in the book.

Still, Lycett has a lot of good quips here, there is a good flow to the story, and he genuinely made me laugh out loud several times. "Hopefully" more books are "forthcoming".

The only other thing I would add is that some of the humor (humour?) is uniquely British, so parts of it may not resonate with American listeners. However, I believe there's enough content that anyone can enjoy this book.

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  • Carolina
  • 02-07-2017

Repeating but entertaining

Sadly it is mainly a repeating of the jokes from his shows, but he still delivers them in a most entertaining way.

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  • annalie
  • 09-11-2016

Hilarious

Love being a moron? Joe is your natural leader. Perfect antidote to Trump winning the election

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  • Glenn Johnson
  • 07-02-2019

I like Joe Lycett

I think Joe is very funny. I enjoyed the book, but I was sorry that he had no mention of Sarah Millican, when she had such a delightful story about him in her book "How to be Champion" (available on Audible).

0 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • Katie
  • 06-11-2016

best comedian of all time

Joe Lycett is my favourite comedian for a number of reasons. He is the stereotypical British complainer, however he takes it 5000 steps further than the ordinary brit with his hilarious whit, glitter and Fox photos. Taking a stab at recent politics and parking enforcement officers is what he does best, and thankfully he does it very well. His multiple aliases rattle the bones off many snobby idiots, ranging from homophobic twats to professional casinos. Britain at its finest.

I now have the tools to piss off anybody who tries to annoy me. thanks Joe.

9 of 11 people found this review helpful

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  • Laura
  • 21-10-2016

Very, very funny

Be careful if you are listening to this while driving. There were times I laughed so much I nearly crashed the car!!

8 of 10 people found this review helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 29-10-2016

Amazing

One of the funniest and wittiest comedians today. This book was a breeze to to listen to, absolutely perfect and I'm already hoping he writes another one.

7 of 9 people found this review helpful

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  • WildMike
  • 12-01-2017

Superbly performed and hilarious.

Sarcastic and retortive humour at it's finest. Lycett satisfyingly gives life's little irritants both barrels.

4 of 5 people found this review helpful

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  • Gareth Mugridge
  • 15-11-2016

Hopefully doth butter these parsnips!

Have listened to this through 8 times in 2 weeks. Brilliant! Joe's performance really excels. SAMANTHA PETERSON!

4 of 5 people found this review helpful

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  • SJC
  • 03-10-2018

Funny in short bursts

While I do appreciate Joe’s humour and enjoy his style I felt that after the first half an hour the ideas were beginning to stall. While his previous performances about parking were funny this one seemed like he was trying too hard and it ran out of steam very quickly, as did some other attempts with companies/agencies. The 3hrs and 43mins will be fun if you listen in short bursts.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 15-08-2018

Same Story’s As His Stand Up

I was really excited when I down loaded this audio book as I think Joe is really funny and I couldn’t wait to find out more about him. I have to say though that I was a little disappointed as most of the story’s in his book have been told on his stand up appearances on the TV. I am going to see him live next month, I really do hope he has some new jokes and story’s for then.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • C Stevenson
  • 13-01-2017

Frickin hilarious

This book made me laugh a lot, I love Joe Lickit's work :) listened twice through

3 of 4 people found this review helpful

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  • Mr. Trevor D. Luckett
  • 02-01-2017

great book

loved the book. seen clip on cats do countdown and got book to hear more. very funny.

3 of 4 people found this review helpful

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  • Ed Goodman
  • 15-11-2016

Hilarious. Hope you're well xx

Madness and mayhem are two perfect words to describe Joe and any conversation that involves an email from him. A very funny way to spend 3 and a bit hours.

5 of 7 people found this review helpful