Hold Me Under cover art

Hold Me Under

Water, Air, Earth, Fire, Book 1

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Hold Me Under

By: Riley Nash
Narrated by: J.F. Harding, Stephen Dexter
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About this listen

Love is cheap. Love is cruel. Love can’t save us.

Victor Lang had everything—looks, money, fame. A chance to become the greatest swimmer in history. Until a failed dope test brought him crashing down.

According to the rumors, he turned into a recluse, a drug addict, a whore. Broken beyond repair. Incapable of love.

And for some reason, he’s set his sights on me.

A freak accident in his pool throws me into a world of wealth and status and people who are willing to do anything to get what they want. Before I know it, I’m being paid to fly to Italy and pose as his boyfriend. Trapped at his side, I learn what it means to truly hate someone.

Turns out, that’s exactly what he wants.

I can’t save him, and I can’t love him. But as things fall apart and I discover the truths he’s hiding, I learn that hate can be greater than love—an obsession, a prayer, dark days and darker nights, a need to be the only one who hurts him. Hate can heal the worst wounds love leaves behind.

But I have problems of my own, a broken spirit and loved ones to protect. And I’m scared to face the things he’s waking up inside of me.

A gritty, emotional, epic hate-to-love slow burn with an inexperienced top and his bratty bottom, hurt/comfort, obsession, and healing.

Contains dark themes, adult content, and potential triggers, though every effort was made to portray them thoughtfully and sensitively.

Specific triggers (potential spoilers): sexual abuse (off the page), suicidal ideation, drug abuse, disordered eating, trauma, death, mental illness, homophobic language

©2022 Riley Nash (P)2022 Riley Nash Contemporary Contemporary Romance Romance Money Mental Health
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Hold Me Under was an enemies-to-lovers novel totally different to any I have read before. Victor and Ethan were very different people, from very different backgrounds who have both had to deal with some terrible experiences (read the trigger warnings before reading).

Both of these characters had things I didn't like about them, but Victor grew on me quicker than Ethan (I think I may be the odd one here). We don't get the whole of Victor's story until near the end, but I had already started working out most of what we discover from the start, so I had a great deal of empathy for Victor and what I thought he had been through and I could understand where his attitude and behaviours were coming from. He had built so many walls and cages for himself and had no one he could truly trust or rely on to have his back and help him deal with the trauma he had been through. My heart broke for him the whole way through.

Ethan, was wonderful where his care for his mother was concerned and I could see little glimpses of how he might have some care for Victor now and again, I know he had his own losses he was dealing with and I did empathise with him for these, but I felt he should have realised that there was far more to Victor's trauma and behaviours than met the eye. There were so many signs pointing to what might have happened to him that I couldn't understand how he couldn't see this. I found him slightly self-absorbed for a lot of the book.

It wasn't until the last quarter of the novel that I started to feel the emotional connection between Victor and Ethan and could only hope that these two really found each other before it was too late. Once this connection shifted I could feel the emotions from both of them and under the hate, I could feel something deeper. I could see how Ethan could be that one safe space and person for Victor because he had the strength in him to hold him and help him heal if only he could see through the mask and lies that Victor used to shield himself.

It was an emotional read, where trauma and abuse play a big part in the behaviour that comes across as arrogant and spoiled. Victor's father was a horrible person and I couldn't understand how a parent could be as cold and heartless as this man was towards his son.

A novel that hopefully makes people think twice about what might truly be going on in a person's life and encourages empathy and understanding to people who are struggling to hold themselves together.

An emotional mess

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Such a great book, so well written. It does come with a trigger warning for abuse, but is only a small retelling scene of the actual events that happened (in the past). What this book mainly deals with is the heart wrenching emotional and mental fall out of dealing with the trauma of abuse, even years after - deep mistrust, feeling overwhelmed /helpless, wanting to escape to safe spaces, difficulties in accepting possibilities of relationships when you’ve been talked down to, being used to wearing a mask in public etc. Particularly when this sweet, exceptionally talented swimmer was abused by someone who was in a trusted position of authority; with a family that were too concerned with a scandal then to provide support.
Our second MC is also dealing with his own demons of a loss of a close family member (in the past) and trying to support his mother with dementia.
This a beautiful retelling by both narrators and emotions were felt to the core. Particular shout out to J.F.Harding who did a phenomenal job conveying the emotions and inner turmoils of Victor, that took you on the ride of the highs and lows of emotions, from sass and smiles to utter raw vulnerability - so so talented. Completed with an unconventional HEA where both characters are each other’s rock, and both draw strength from each other in their times of need. I’m glad they found each other.
Highly recommend!

Wow! A beautiful emotional tearjerker!

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As a survivor I was nervous to read this one but couldn't resist the pull.

I have so many qoutes from Victor to literally show my therapist because wow did his thoughts perfectly explain what it does to your mind.

just pure and thoughtful representation. thank you.

Tragically Beautiful Surviour Rep

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Hold Me Under by riley nash. Victor and Ethan were made for each other, but their own trauma and prejudice held them back from what they eventually worked out.
I could happily read this book again and again as it was just an awesome story

trauma and prejudice

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So...I have read a LOT of MM romance. Most follow the same trope, most focus heavy on the steam, thinking sex sells right?

But sometimes you find a pearl of an author that writes the story - the character growth and plot such that the steam becomes more. Andi Riley Nash is one of those pearls. Irrespective of anything, they write well.

I love LGBTQIA+ authors who write LGBTQIA stories. So like TL Klune, Casey McQuiston and awiop add Riley Nash to my list of authors to follow!

Finally...a MM romance with depth

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