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Hard Pressed

A Tale of Aphrodisiac Cheese on the Island of Tost

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Hard Pressed

By: Dave Smith
Narrated by: James Bryce
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About this listen

The Island of Tost has become famous due to an unexplained rise in the birth rate, which national papers have attributed to the aphrodisiac power of the local cheese. Jim, the landlord, is struggling with the influx of amorous guests. However he is also being ignored by his mid-wife, girlfriend, Maggie, who is determined to solve the fertility mystery. Is it the cheese or the whisky?

Murdo is the elderly, distillery worker and Calum is the cheesemaker who along with the Rev. Fairchild and Mr Carmichael, the teacher, are served at the MacDonald Arms by Lucinda — barmaid and white witch. Into the middle of all this, arrives Maria, a beautiful, Italian, biker, with whom Calum immediately falls in love. She is on a mission to deliver ancient cheese recipes from her father, who visited the island many years ago. Meanwhile Gavin and Claudia from the cheese conglomerate DairyCom are on a more sinister mission. Finally, Bert, the AI man makes his annual visit and takes Claudia’s fancy but she fails to grasp that the I stands for Insemination — not Intelligence.

Fake love potions get Jim into hot water, corporate sabotage leads to a cheese-fuelled fire and misunderstandings of parentage mean Murdo must keep the young lovers apart. As a boatload of drunken journalists head for the island and the launch of the fabled fromage, Murdo’s quick thinking, at the last minute, avoids a marketing disaster and saves the island’s precious reputation, which, like the cheese, is spread far and wide.

©2024 David Smith (P)2025 David Smith
Literature & Fiction

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