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Domination & Submission

The BDSM Relationship Handbook
Narrated by: Tobias Ezra Queen
Length: 19 hrs and 58 mins
Categories: Erotica, Advice
4.5 out of 5 stars (7 ratings)

Non-member price: $36.54

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Publisher's Summary

The definitive handbook on Domination and Submission (D/s) relationships and the BDSM lifestyle. A must-read for anyone considering or curious about non-traditional relationships within a fetish culture context. Funny, insightful, educational, and inspiring. Author Michael Makai goes in-depth on Dominants, submissives, switches, primals, and their relationship dynamics. Learn about BDSM activities, bondage, toys, groups, protocols, and safety. This book even dares to go where others fear to tread: The Gorean subculture, online D/s and BDSM, first meetings, religion vs. kink, and what could go wrong. You'll love Michael Makai's irreverent and humorous treatment of this subject as he gives you the benefit of his 35+ years of experience in the D/s and BDSM lifestyles.

©2013 Michael Makai (P)2014 Michael Makai

What members say

Average Customer Ratings

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Very informative

Very informative and I learnt a lot. if you are thinking about joining; dabbling in; or are new to the lifestyle, I would highly recommend to listen/read this book.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • Natalie
  • 15-04-2015

Fantastic overview, entertainingly presented.

By chapter 2, I bought this audiobook for my own Dom. Even though I'm experienced and have been active in the BDSM lifestyle, this book was a great broad-brush overview that helped me to understand the drivers for kinksters who differ from me, as well as giving some great food for thought and some great conversation topics that have helped us to grow as a D/s couple. Listening to this book is like hanging out with someone who's "been there, done that" and normalizes an alternative lifestyle in a clear, positive manner, gratifyingly without the posturing that's all too common. My Dom and I have had some truly amazing and revealing conversations as a result of this book, and I'm so very glad I've had the opportunity to listen. Oh, and great narration too. :)

36 of 40 people found this review helpful

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  • Ben
  • 04-03-2015

Bend over for Daddy!

Any additional comments?

If you are new to the "lifestyle", or interested in learning more about BDSM and the different types of DS relationships, this is a great starting place. There isn't a "BDSM Bible", so you will find variations in how it is defined and relationships people form. This is based on Mike's views and experiences in the lifestyle.

Mike uses some of his personal experiences/failures/lessons learned as examples. Some of these I found amusing. I was surprised he touched on different religions and how BDSM would fit in with it, if at all. I didn't necessarily agree with it, but interesting to hear his viewpoints.

Mike also touched on potential legal implications, even though it is between consenting adults. Having the police show up at your hotel room, or standing before a judge with sex offender charges, is not a circumstance any of us want to be in ... but can happen.

Definitely worth the money and time. However, I would recommend listening to it at 1.5 speed, as the reading was a little slow for my taste.

44 of 50 people found this review helpful

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  • t
  • 05-12-2018

Absolutely deplorable

I went into this with an open mind. A few friends proclaimed how wonderful it was that I invested.

This is a horrible book. The beginning was good, but once the author got to describing the different types of doms and subs, it was over for me. Apparently, according to Makai, all doms are users who just want to hurt a sub except for one type - a Dom who sees himself as a white knight out to save subs from themselves. Makai seems to think he's the only good, trustworthy dominant in existence. He's either deluded or he's something far worse.

And then it got worse. His descriptions of the different types of submissives was deplorable. According to the author submissives - ALL SUBMISSIVES - are broken, helpless, needy freaks. That was the most insulting thing I've ever heard.

If you want to learn about D/s or BDSM, research, meet people, read tons. Don't bother with this book It's not worth it and may convince you of something that isn't true.

8 of 9 people found this review helpful

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  • Victor
  • 15-03-2016

Normative, 30 years out of date

Would you try another book from Michael Makai and/or Tobias Ezra Queen?

No. Both too smug and self satisfied.

Would you ever listen to anything by Michael Makai again?

No. I almost never put a book down that I've purchased before finishing it, and after the second chapter I just couldn't listen to another transphobic, poisonous idea. I say this as a BDSM educator.

How could the performance have been better?

It could have been read faster and with a little less smugness. Mr. Queen misses the mark on an interpretation that would have made the book more tolerable but does capture excellently the intended over-confidence.

What reaction did this book spark in you? Anger, sadness, disappointment?

Great disappointment. It's not a BDSM handbook; it doesn't capture D/s; it excludes asexual BDSM which is the majority of the public scene.

Any additional comments?

As the book says "don't read this book." It was serious. Instead, read "The New Bottoming Book" as it is excellent. You can read "The New Topping Book" as well, but Bottoming was better. It's an excellent introduction. Next, look up your local BDSM educational organization. Alternatively, look up a kink/BDSM convention with courses. Westcoastbound.ca is a great example, costing only $100 for early early bird members and giving you actual practical skills including courses that focus specifically on D/s. Try making an account on fetlife.com and looking up local events. Those efforts will pay off a hundred fold what reading this book will - and they'll expose you to a healthier more holistic idea of what kinksters look like instead of this normative, prescriptivist garbage.

32 of 40 people found this review helpful

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  • Jessica
  • 13-01-2018

An Intro to DS and BDSM for Dominant Straight Men

What could have made this a 4 or 5-star listening experience for you?

The title of the book led me to believe it would be very general and inclusive and universal. This was not the case.I would have liked it more if the author had more knowledge about the DS and BDSM experience from a progressive stand point. He obviously favors traditional gender roles and is not knowledgeable on alternative views. The fact that men are statistically usually Doms and that women are usually Subs is not valid justification for using "He" in reference to Doms and "she" in reference to Subs. Definitely outdated

What could Michael Makai have done to make this a more enjoyable book for you?

The author is obnoxious and arrogant and he thinks he's really funny. He dedicated a section of the book to his own quotes in which he thought were particularly profound or funny. One of these hilarious quips was " I love red heads. It's not their hair color, it's the crazy". He also invented a new category of Dom for himself which he calls " The White Knight Dom". He goes into how the Bible supports this lifestyle in the way that it instructs men how to rule over their wives and how women should serve their husbands. I thought it was an enlightening view into his ideology when he started talking about how G*d was probably a Dom like him.

What reaction did this book spark in you? Anger, sadness, disappointment?

Disappointment. There have to be better books out there!

Any additional comments?

After reading about DS and BDSM from Makai's perspective I didn't feel like there was room in the lifestyle for feminists like me. But I know this isn't true because the people who I know personally in this lifestyle aren't like that at all. I look forward to finding more progressive perspectives.

10 of 13 people found this review helpful

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  • MARIE
  • 16-06-2015

very well written

most realistic view I have encountered. I found this book eesy to understand as well as easily read. The personal stories brought to life what points were, nice touch.

5 of 8 people found this review helpful

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  • Peter
  • 13-04-2015

love this book

very informative. I learned a lot form this book and I wish there where more books like this one

5 of 8 people found this review helpful

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  • OnenessSaint
  • 22-02-2016

Excellent knowledge base!

I did not expect this book to contain as much humor as it did; it was a pleasant surprise. Filled with information and practical advise, this book has it all for both the novice and the "experienced" Ds relationship enthusiast.

3 of 5 people found this review helpful

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  • Beth
  • 30-03-2015

A very infomative and helpful read

If you are interested in BDSM this is the book for you, I loved it and highly recommend.

3 of 5 people found this review helpful

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  • Tab
  • 02-08-2019

Be Wary

Loved the book until you Google his name. Prison term for underage solicitation to bring a 16 yo into a poly marriage. Learned alot, but damn.

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 14-03-2015

Excellent value for mondy

Informative, anecdotal, unglamorous and honest. If you really want to explore the D's, BDSM lifestyle read this first and avoid making mistakes or being seduced by unrealistic and delusional romantic notions. Above all learn the key dynamics of the lifestyle before potentially having your heart and soul shattered. God work Michael, I really enjoyed this piece of work.

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

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  • XY
  • 29-09-2017

Too much about online BDSM and Gore

So much irrelevant stuff.
I didn't even finish it.

If you want to learn about BDSM, I rather recommend the book "ultimate guide to Kink" from Tristan Taormino.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • Justique
  • 21-03-2016

Guide to the D/s life for beginners and veterans

I cant find good enough words to describle this words. its the perfect guide for newcomers, its also test for someone who is already into the lifestyle for a time, and it dvells pretty deep, and takes on many topics. the only one thing i could say is that sins this is made of his own experince, and what he is been trough, there are many fetihses he doesnt go into BUT. thats ok this a guide into the lifestyle not a guide into fetihses. other then that, its a MUST read for anyone interrested in the topic.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • Colm
  • 12-02-2018

very informative

incredibly informative and insightful and covers many aspects of the lifestyle.

It's very detailed and fun to listen to and can give you some naughty ideas

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  • Maria Charbel
  • 26-11-2017

Reference book<br />

Absolutely loved it. It will be my guiding book. will refer to it as much as possible. Thank You, Sir for this amazing guided exploration.

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  • Menashe Almor
  • 20-11-2017

The information well served by the author

The book contains all aspects of BDSM well served for novice and for people already femilier with the life style