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Publisher's Summary

In this easy-to-listen-to, science-based book, parents, caregivers, and adults of all kinds discover how discipline affects children’s development, why intervention should reinforce connection not separation, and why the disciplinary strategies that may have been used on us as children are not the ones that children really need. As a practicing child and family psychologist and advisor to the British Columbia ministry of children and families, Dr. Vanessa has seen it all, and she has navigated hundreds of tough situations with families. Drawing on scientific research and a wealth of clinical experience, she shows you how to put out the fire without dampening your child’s spirits; how to correct their behavior while emphasizing connection; and how to discipline without damage.

©2016 Vanessa Lapointe, Registered Psychologist (British Columbia #1856) (P)2019 Audible, Inc.

What listeners say about Discipline Without Damage

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Great

I wished I had listened to this 13 years ago. Such valuable information for everyone.

1 person found this helpful

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Great overall theme but just a few hours too long

This book started off very confronting. It questions the way we have been parenting. The use of sticker charts and other ways that we are sold to get our children to behave using bribes including emotional bribes are all put under the spotlight. The mantra of see it, feel it be it resounds throughout the book but even after the 7 day and a half hours, I'm still not convinced I get it. Maybe I'm thinking too deeply about it. Maybe what she was saying is just to look at the situation and put yourself in the shoes of the child before you act.

Overall, the theme of the book is to firstly understand that children are not born with the ability to self-regulate their behaviour and literally do not possess this tool (i.e. the pre-frontal cortex) untill much later in life. Therefore, it is not possible to teach the child how to attain self-control. The alternative provided through the text is to use connection to help the child to soothe (it is proposed that on many occasions that this is allthe child is looking for and that acting out is the child's way of expressing this need).

There are some great tips in the book but it was a struggle to get through. You could probably get what your going to get out of this book by just reading half of it. I also found the crackly, slow cadence of the naration irritating. I suggest reading it at 2x speed.

1 person found this helpful

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Must listen for parents

A wonderfully factual book and great tool to understand the psychology behind children’s developing brains and how we impact them. I have read a lot of parenting books and certainly recommend this one but also don’t see it as a stand alone book for parents and caregivers.
Some parts are very confronting, and challenge how most adults have been raised themselves, but in the interest of breaking the cycle and raising mentality healthy humans it is worth taking all that on the chin. I would have enjoyed it more if it had been narrated by Vanessa as I have listened to her speak before and her passion is inspiring, it would have added a level of authenticity.

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a must-read for any parent

absolutely love this book. so many lightbulb moments. it has helped me be so much more patient and empathetic with my toddlers big feelings.

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Wow. we need more parents to read this

This is a great book for parents wanting to embark in conexion focused parenting that raise emotional intelligent and caring kids/adults.
We wouldn't have the anxiety and depression problems that society experiences today if parents were guided and helped to be what our children's need for them as opposed to pressed to make our children's behavior 'good' in the right now moment -damaging them.
Science based

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This book has been life changing - thank you

I’ve read a lot, been to psychologists, courses, and done an incredible amount of soul searching in pursuit of understanding my child and solving my parenting challenges.

This book has all the answers for me and already made an incredible shift in our household. My constantly unregulated 4 year old has been really settled, kind and loving for the last couple of weeks after I changed the way I handled his meltdowns.

He’s stopped hitting his brother, stopped kicking the cat and instead is showing incredible compassion to them both. He literally stopped me and looked at me in the eye and smiled as if to say, thank you, you’ve finally got me. I can finally be at peace with the knowledge I know what my role is as the big person is.

Forever grateful

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Great parenting advice

I really enjoyed this book and the understandings of how children think and process things read adult we don't always think the same way must read for anyone who's looking to better them selves as apparent

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every parent should read!

inspirational! opened my mind in so many ways.
A whole new perspective on parenting. definitely going to remove myself from society's parenting pop culture (the norm)

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I wish I had of found this book long ago!

This book is deeply insightful and thought provoking! It offers an abundance of game changing approaches to discipline and strengthening your relationship with your child/ren. I wish I had of found this book sooner! An absolute MUST READ for any parent! I'm so grateful to have come across this beautifully articulated, life changing book! 📚💛 💛💛

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  • Jessnfam
  • 08-06-2021

compassionate and clear guidance

The text shares relatable examples and explains how to provides steady, caring support so our children can regulate themselves well. Some parenting texts are patronizing but the tone here is optimistic. I am on my second listen and am sure I'll return to it in the future.

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  • George and Christina
  • 03-09-2020

Amazing insights!

Loved the information in this book so much, it's definitely a book to listen to multiple times. Maybe even multiple times a year as your raising little ones. It's so important to have this understanding. Highly recommend this to any parent.

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  • jdudley
  • 03-08-2020

Provides the heart in parenting advice

Provides the heart in parenting advice! This book did a great job of helping me to focus on the relationship with my child. Parenting out of being and connecting with my kid rather than trying to control the behavior of my kid.
I loved her examples and steps that are very practical. From the very beginning of reading this book, you are inspired to be the best big person you can be in your kid's life. And you can do it!

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  • miss
  • 26-03-2021

Incredibly helpful

I have followed Dr Vanessa on Instagram and love her content. I downloaded this as a way of expanding my knowledge and in order to help myself when working out the best ways to connect with my children (and those in my care)
It definitely has opened my eyes to how I parent, but also it has helped when my friends talk about their children.
Definitely worth a listen.

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 11-02-2021

wish read this book 16 years ago

a wake up call to those stuck in time and following old damaging ways to bring up our kids.

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  • Becky F
  • 26-12-2019

One of the best parenting books!

I'm currently navigating life with a 2 year old and this is the 5th parenting book I've listened to in the past few months, it has been brilliant. I've put the advice into practice and have noticed the positive effect on my son already! Does he still have meltdowns? Yes, but I'm able to manage my reaction to them and diffuse them in minutes. People comment on how well behaved our son is and I've been recommending this book to everyone!!!

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