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Publisher's Summary

A revised and updated edition of Emily Nagoski’s game-changing New York Times best seller Come As You Are, featuring new information and research on mindfulness, desire, and pleasure that will radically transform your sex life.

For much of the 20th and 21st centuries, women’s sexuality was an uncharted territory in science, studied far less frequently - and far less seriously - than its male counterpart. 

That is, until Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are, which used groundbreaking science and research to prove that the most important factor in creating and sustaining a sex life filled with confidence and joy is not what the parts are or how they’re organized but how you feel about them. In the years since the book’s initial publication, countless women have learned through Nagoski’s accessible and informative guide that things like stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman’s sexual well-being; they are central to it - and that even if you don’t always feel like it, you are already sexually whole by just being yourself. This revised and updated edition continues that mission with new information and advanced research, demystifying and decoding the science of sex so that everyone can create a better sex life and discover more pleasure than you ever thought possible. 

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

©2015, 2021 Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. All rights reserved. (P)2021 Simon & Schuster, Inc. All rights reserved.

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What listeners say about Come As You Are: Revised and Updated

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Must read for everybody

Yes there were a lot of metaphors, and yes this was just a big therapy session. BUT! It was a very cheap and very effective therapy session and I always find metaphors very helpful when in session. This book is fantastic, the content is so important, and everyone should read it.

2 people found this helpful

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Every woman should read/listen to this book

this book helped me understand myself better and explained so many of my past experiences.

1 person found this helpful

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  • ProfessorGuy
  • 06-03-2021

Excellent revisions

Dr. Nagoski's revisions were necessary, due to some partners' incomprehension of the difference between desire and pleasure. Thanks to Dr. Nagoski for recognizing this issue publicly and addressing it with this new edition. I am in academia myself and am aware of the fragility of some egos in this domain. Dr. Nabisco handled the communicative shortcomings in the previous book with utter professionalism and with an eye to collaborative and affirming communication, most especially toward men in heterosexual partnerships. Good communication is important in partnerships between people of any gender identity and sexual orientation!

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  • tammy
  • 04-03-2021

Usless!!!

This book is the equivalent of "Full story at 6:00" She is always telling you what she intends to tell you in chapter 5 or 6 etc. It is so repetitive, I thought something was wrong with my playback.

The new science as the title suggests just never really got there for me.

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  • Anja
  • 08-03-2021

An absolute gem, thank you!!

I wish someone gave me this book 15 years ago!! With all the crazy out there, this book is really fantastic, a must read/listen for all women and men. First two chapters were quite "mmm" but then it gets better and better.

2 people found this helpful

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 22-04-2021

Just wow!!

I learned so much with this book and am grateful for it. Relearning how things should be!

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  • Kjblack
  • 19-04-2021

Great Eye opener

i was. told by a friend to read this book, although i didnt agree with all if it this was a great read and a big stepping stone in discovering more about the woman i am and loving myself unconditionally.

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  • Smoore
  • 15-04-2021

Required reading for everyone

Everyone needs to read/listen to this book, whether you have a vulva or not. As the author says: all the same parts, just organized differently. I found all this info interesting and really applicable no matter what parts you have. This should really be a part of all sex ed/health, etc classes.

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  • Ross Flynn
  • 15-04-2021

Exceptional

Recommended by Esther Perel, this has been the most useful book I’ve ever read on this subject. Easily accessible, non-shaming, informative for men & women. As a licensed marriage and family therapist, I will be recommending this book often.

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  • salma
  • 09-04-2021

Love it and a must read for all women (& men)

My doctor recommend this book. But I ended up reading “vagina” by Naomi wolf before then this. The two books changed my life. The science in this book is amazing. It’s very validating and educational. It is extremely empowering to anyone to experience this much information and learn about her body and her needs/ likes/ wants and not feel bad or shame or guilt about them. It is healing in many ways and truly allowed me to un-judge myself especially as I go through my healing and inner self work.

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  • Gaia Toscano
  • 05-04-2021

oh so clear, so educational, so fun, so good!!!

this book should simply be mandatory in school! seriously! her work is so important for all!

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  • E. Smith
  • 25-03-2021

Helpful and encouraging

There is no doubt Emily Nagoski is passionate about educating women (and men) about what is “normal” in women’s sexuality preferences and desires. She does a great job explaining anatomy and helping the reader to understand and explore their own gas pedals and brake pedals that affect their sexual interest.
My husband and I both read this book (listened) and had great conversations afterward that I know will strengthen our relationship.

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  • Hannah G.
  • 02-03-2021

Exclusive language! Supports gender binary

Considering this book is revised and updated as of March 2021, I'm really disappointed the author hasn't changed the binary language used. It would be so easy to include non binary and trans people by simply using non exclusive language and I'm perplexed as to why this wouldn't have been done in a revision. I believe the content of the book is fantastic. But as a society we really need to do better, so I'm giving a lower rating in hope it will be made note of and this book will be revised again to use language inclusive of non binary and trans people.

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  • K. J. Noyes
  • 16-04-2021

Transformative and educational

This makes some aspects of sex research seem so obvious. The best of them do. I listened along, thinking: "oh yeah!" and "why didn't I see it that way before?"

I've already recommended this to a couple of friends (one single, one in a loving relationship), both of whom I think will find it interesting as men to consider from a new perspective.

This is an updated version of a previously released book about desire, normality in sex and in how the brain and sex organs interact in our experiences of pleasure. Having only listened to the updated version, I cannot comment on the updates, but did find it inclusive of those outside of binary categories of gender, and also aware of its shortcomings in terms of research.

It's absolutely fascinating. And certainly made me ponder my own history, current position, future wants and attitudes. There are a lot of simple quotable lines that Nagoski refers to regularly, she reassures and explains the range of normality we all encompass. She manages to explain how a lot of problems many readers experience have arisen. And uses examples of 'women' in relationships (composites of a number she has worked with) to exemplify a few key 'types' that demonstrate various points she makes.

While I've never felt other than existing somewhere along the range of 'normal', this did tick a few boxes and hit a nerve several times when I recognised behaviours, situations and experiences that fit me. Listening to explanations did clear a few things up and make me look at myself and my own body and desires with clearer vision and certainly a lot more kindness, not to mention confidence to express myself.

One for women to read to get to know themselves. One for men to read to get to know the women around them and how they can both differ and communicate those differences, then work to find common ground.

This does not become overly scientific or technical, but does use terminology. Loved the Too Long: Didn't Read (TL: DR) at the end of each chapter, great summaries that did remind me of key points.

The book translates perfectly to audiobook format, and with the addition of the attached pdf (accessible through the Audible menu on the app), gives plenty of material for mulling over, for testing yourself and to return to for future consideration. The author makes an expressive and empathic narrator, and covers her material passionately. It was easy to keep up with her, and she communicates with verve.

This has already inspired me a little, in seeing myself, my mind and body in a slightly different way. And appreciating how it all got where it is.

With thanks to Nudge Books for providing a sample Audible copy.

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  • Ruth
  • 31-03-2021

OMG

brilliantly read. amazingly insightful, helpful to know it isn't me. thank you for putting me straight on so much.

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  • No name
  • 27-03-2021

All she talks about is context

Unless you have a vagina that you're insecure about, skip. 11 and a half hours of her saying sexual context is the solution for women's sexual issues, weird and sometimes false analogies and obvious statements like "not all women are the same". Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel is a much better and more educational book for both genders that doesn't blame everything on patriarchy

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  • Kindle Customer
  • 21-03-2021

Everyone should read this book

This book is life changing. Amazing, Educational, fascinating, eye opening and so much more.
I have learnt so much.

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  • Egypt
  • 19-03-2021

Mind blowing

This is one of the best books ever written in the history of all books. Emily, you’re amazing!

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  • Beth :)
  • 15-03-2021

Everyone should read this!

I am normal. That is my biggest take away and it's altering my perception of myself, my relationship and the world around me. We are either not taught, or given misinformation about how sexuality, especially female sexuality, works and this book is helping to set the record straight. The background science is given in a way that is easy to understand. I love that so much of this book is rooted in real lived experience.
I highly recommend reading this and then telling all your friends about it.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 08-03-2021

Thank you Emily.

Loved it. Thank you Emily for this absolute gift of empowerment. Can't wait to share what I've learnt with others and start on the adventure to joy. Thank you, thank you, thank you (the kind words just can't express).

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