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Burn the Haystack

Decode Dating, Torch the Duds, and Make Room for Men Who Matter

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Burn the Haystack

By: Jennie Young PhD
Narrated by: Jennie Young PhD, Kiiri Sandy
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About this listen

It’s time for a dating revolution! Read by Kiiri Sandy and author Jennie Young. Listen to Jennie’s introduction of her method and her movement, and then hear her sign off the book with a love letter from her.

Part reading from your favorite professor, part conversation with your funniest friend—this is the heart behind the manifesto.


How do you find a needle in a haystack? You burn the haystack to the ground.

Among Dr. Jennie Young’s legion of fans, the “needle” is a long-term, committed partner and the “haystack” is the group of men available to date. So often women are advised to “give the guy a chance,” to take seriously men whose app bios tell women not to take themselves seriously. Young’s refreshing approach to online dating turns this advice on its head: Give almost no one a chance.

A professor of feminist rhetoric, Young teaches people how to decode the hidden meanings in ordinary communication. Fascinated (and frustrated) by the rhetorical gambits she saw in men’s profiles when she first downloaded a dating app, she created Burned Haystack to help other women navigate the nonsense and find their needles.

Young has revolutionized the dating lexicon by identifying common toxic rhetorical patterns in men’s messaging, such as:

  • Test and Apologize: He texts some sexual innuendo, then apologizes before you can
    even respond. He’s testing if you’ll be okay with being objectified. The test is real; the apology isn’t.
  • Disciplinary/Directive: He uses his dating app profile to “lay down the law” with women, which usually turns into abuse down the road. Understanding this pattern will help you disengage from this guy before he ruins your life.
  • Blue Ribbon for Bare Minimum: He opens his bio with “I will never hit you” (shockingly common) or brags about basic adult life skills such as having a job or washing his sheets. Things don’t improve from here.

Young’s engaging system empowers readers to sort through profiles quickly and effectively, preserving both time and sanity. And with its blend of scathing humor and academic rigor, Burn the Haystack is so much more than a dating tool—it gives women the skills to break down communication from the classroom to the boardroom and everywhere in between, and the confidence to approach life with a deeper, more powerful level of understanding.

Supplemental enhancement PDF accompanies the audiobook.

Communication & Social Skills Love, Dating & Attraction Personal Development Psychology Psychology & Mental Health Relationships Self-Esteem Words, Language & Grammar Dating Heartfelt
All stars
Most relevant
I am on my second reading of this book having found this useful already in my daily life at work and not for dating. I work in a male dominated workplace and although there is a culture of respect for all people promoted, there is also an undeniable male centred power structure. I’ve struggled at times with my understanding of how to respond in this space, having also studied feminist writing theory. At times I have a deeply uncomfortable feeling during interactions through out the work day and not being able to pinpoint why. This book switched my brain onto why.

The switch

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Thanks Jenny, this book was delightfully informative and humorous. I'll definitely be getting the e-book to refer to.

Amazingly!

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Have you ever received a dating app message that wasn’t overtly rude, but still bothered you in a way you couldn’t quite articulate?

This book deconstructs the biggest red flag patterns women encounter on the apps, and articulates what you’re (probably) already feeling in your gut.

Burned Haystack can’t make the dating apps better, but it can keep you sane as you navigate them. It teaches you to stop second-guessing yourself and giving too many chances to people who don’t deserve them.

‘Burn the Haystack’ balances robust academic content with entertainment and humour. I give it a SuperLike!

A must for women navigating the dating apps

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In the spirit of reconciliation, Audible acknowledges the Traditional Custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.