Because I'm Not Myself, You See cover art

Because I'm Not Myself, You See

A Memoir of Motherhood, Madness and Coming Back from the Brink

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Because I'm Not Myself, You See

By: Ariane Beeston
Narrated by: Ariane Beeston
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About this listen

Ariane Beeston is a child-protection worker and newly registered psychologist when she gives birth to her first child – and very quickly begins to experience scary breaks with reality. Out of fear and shame, she keeps her delusions and hallucinations secret, but as the months pass Ariane gets worse. Much worse. Finally admitted to a mother and baby psychiatric unit, the psychologist is forced to learn how to be the patient.

With medication, the support of her husband, psychotherapy and, ultimately, time, Ariane rebuilds herself. And she also begins a new chapter working in perinatal mental health, developing resources to support other new mothers.

Because I'm Not Myself, You See is a candid, often humorous memoir of motherhood and madness, interwoven with research and expert commentary. It's the story of the impossible pressures placed on new mothers and how quickly things can go wrong during 'the happiest time of your life'. It's also about life on the other side of serious illness, trying to make sense of what doesn't make sense, and finding humour, beauty and joy when things don't go according to plan.

©2024 Ariane Beeston, Black Inc. (P)2024 Bolinda Publishing Best of 2024 Indigenous Creators Mental Health Awareness Motherhood Parenting & Families Relationships Women Memoir Witty Mental Health Health

Critic Reviews

'Ariane Beeston's honesty, poetry and wisdom will save lives ... a vital contribution to a reality of some motherhoods that is so often overlooked in favour of stigma, shame and misunderstanding.' (Anna Spargo-Ryan, author of A Kind of Magic)
'A memoir like no other.' (Geordie Williamson, The Australian)
'Generous and vulnerable... Beeston has cast a spotlight on an unspoken "women’s issue" in a book that could be lifesaving when it falls into the right hands.' (Books+Publishing)
All stars
Most relevant  
Unfortunately this is the realistic book I've ever read, Please read this book, It will enable you to be able to spread the word about how much change and empathy we need in Australia's mental healthcare

What a realistic portrayal of Australia's mental health system

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ariane tells her story of work, love, loss, mental health challenges, friendships, passions, therapy, recovery and advocacy intertwined with relevant research, studies, statistics and resources.

moving, insightful, informative

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A bravely told and realistic account from this author, Ariane, whose story was hard to hear in parts. As a mother for over 53 years I could definitely identify with some issues raised about the early days of giving birth. Let's hope more is spoken & written about as Ariane has done, for greater connection between mothers (& fathers) and health professionals during the HUGE transition to parenthood.

A must read to better understand mental health & mothering

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I found this memoir very relatable and it helped me understand my own experiences with perinatal depression and anxiety. Ariane articulated her experience beautifully. At times I felt she was able to describe feelings or thoughts I have had, but I haven’t had the words to describe them. Thanks for sharing your experience Ariane & all the work you are doing for others in this space

Heartfelt and relatable

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A deep dive into a personal journey of postpartum psychosis. As a mother, the descriptions of the authors feelings and thoughts articulated things that deeply resonate for me but I couldn't possibly put into words.

Raw and beautifully written

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Raw, honest. What a harrowing story. How truely horrifying it would be to go through something like that. Im so glad the author found the support and pulled herself through to the other side and continues to bring light to the subject of postnatal psychosis

Captivating

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In the spirit of reconciliation, Audible acknowledges the Traditional Custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.