We hear the term "Self-Care" everywhere—usually accompanied by images of three-hour spa days or solo vacations. But for parents in the "messy middle," those things don't just feel rare—they feel impossible. When we can't achieve the Instagram version of self-care, we end up feeling two things: Guilt and Pressure.

Today, Dr. Courtney is joined by Dr. Brittany Wade, a Licensed Psychologist and founder of Thrive Child Psychology. Together, they are stripping away the "luxury" label and reframing self-care as what it actually is: Nervous System Regulation. If you’ve ever felt like getting the dishes done was "self-care," or if you struggle to ask your partner for the rest you actually need, this episode is for you. We’re moving beyond the "to-do" list to help you build a Secure Base for yourself so you can be one for your children.

1. The Self-Care Myth: Why we need to stop viewing self-care as an "extra" to be earned and start viewing it as a biological necessity for regulation.
2. Productivity vs. Regulation: The hard truth that checking off your to-do list (like cleaning the baseboards or doing the dishes) is productivity, not self-care.
3. The Self-Care Grief Process: Acknowledging and mourning the loss of the "old version" of yourself who had unlimited time for gym sessions and solo travel.
4. Equal vs. Equitable Rest: Why a 50/50 split of chores doesn't account for who is the most "depleted," and how to negotiate for "Equitable Rest" with your partner.
5. Modeling Regulation: Why the "Selfless Parent" narrative actually harms our children, and how modeling self-care provides them with a regulatory toolkit for life.
6. Micro-Regulation: Small, 5-minute shifts you can build into your current schedule—from the "coffee in silence" to the "three breaths in the driver's seat."

1. [03:29] – Redefining Self-Care: Why it’s not a luxury, it’s regulation.
2. [05:53] – The "Guilt and Pressure" cycle: Why self-care often feels like another chore.
3. [08:37] – Self-Care vs. Leisure: Understanding the difference between a hot shower and a round of golf.
4. [12:38] – The Modeling Aspect: Why your kids need to see you taking deep breaths.
5. [14:26] – Practical Strategies: Exercise, family walks, and protecting 30 minutes.
6. [15:50] – The Morning Reset: The clinical value of coffee in silence.
7. [18:43] – Parenting Reframe: Why self-care doesn't always have to be done "alone."
8. [21:55] – The Productivity Trap: Why the dishes are not self-care.