You snapped. You raised your voice. And now you're stuck in the shame spiral wondering if you just messed everything up. In this episode, Dr. Amy Patenaude walks you through what actually matters after you yell: repair. You'll learn what's happening in your brain when you "flip your lid," why repair is more powerful than perfection, and a 90-second reset you can use the same day. You'll leave with simple scripts and Tiny Wins to rebuild connection without a big lecture for you or your child.

If you're stuck in "I'm the worst parent" shame, start with Repair over Perfection

If you want practical words to say tonight, start with The 3-Sentence Repair

If you keep yelling at the end of the day, start with The Pause and Park It Plan

Why "losing it" is often a nervous system overload moment, not a character flaw

The simplest brain-based explanation for why yelling happens and why it's hard to stop mid-stream

The rupture to repair idea that protects trust and emotional safety over time

What a repair actually looks like in real life without over-explaining or groveling

A repeatable 90-second repair script that builds safety and models accountability

How repair helps your child build a healthier story: We can have hard moments and still be okay

Try the 3-sentence repair once this week, even if it feels awkward

Choose a one-word cue for yourself when you feel the surge: Pause, Yellow light, or Not yet

Use Park It language once: I'm too heated to talk kindly. I'm going to cool down and we'll come back.

Add one next time sentence after repair: Next time I'm going to step into the other room before I respond.

The basic repair (90 seconds): Hey, about earlier when I yelled… I was really overwhelmed and I raised my voice. That wasn't okay. I'm sorry. I love you and we're okay.

The check-in: Did that scare you or hurt your feelings? You can tell me the truth. I want to know.

The next-time plan: Next time I'm starting to feel that mad, I'm going to take a break instead of shouting.

One line for you: I messed up, and I'm also a good parent who's learning.

Kids don't need perfection. They need a parent who comes back.

Repair is a deposit in the relationship bank account.

Flip your lid less when you can, and repair faster when you can't.

Join the Tiny Wins email list and download the free Big Feelings Decoder here: https://psyched2parent.myflodesk.com/bigfeelingsdecoder

Big Feelings Decoder helps you translate intense kid behavior like backtalk, shutdowns, whining, or meltdowns into what might be happening underneath, plus calm, nervous-system-friendly scripts you can use in the moment and after repair.

This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for individualized mental health, medical, or educational advice.

Big Feelings Decoder: https://psyched2parent.myflodesk.com/bigfeelingsdecoder

Instagram: @psyched2parent