Yesterday I took my daily walk down the street with Autumn to our small beach, both of us bundled in our warm coats, and even though it was freezing, windy, and heavily overcast, I said out loud, “It’s beautiful, Autumn!” It struck me that it was beautiful because that was the lens I brought with me on that walk. With three weeks of panic symptoms and heart palpitations happening even as I type this, I can see that emotional sobriety isn’t the absence of my anxiety. I feel steady inside my head even when my body is doing its own thing. Emotional sobriety is choosing what I bring to the water each day, no matter what’s going on under my skin.

I focused a lot on willfulness versus willingness today. Willfulness is fighting reality, and willingness is letting myself be guided. It’s how I accept my disability, recover from my stroke, live sober, and manage my emotions without wrestling them like a wild animal. So each day, ask yourself, “Will I be willful or willing? What lens will I bring to the water?” Some days are calm and some are cold and stormy. But when I choose willingness and connection, I’m far more likely to see the beauty.

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