Thank you, Angela!

Listening to this book was a great help, comfort, and at times a motivator. As someone who identifies as ace and as “????” for about everything else, this book helped me feel assured that “this isn’t just me”. I heard myself in this book. It was as though I was reading descriptions of myself, my own experiences, thoughts and feelings. I felt so validated. It relieved me, because now I’m much more certain in at least one aspect of myself.
This entire book is full of well formulated and drawn out trains of thoughts, and I found myself thinking one thing constantly: “I wholeheartedly agree!”

I initially went into this experience hoping to find a book to hand off to family and friends to say “read this, this will make you understand”, but I’m not so sure it will work on my people, personally. The downfall of this book - though the “downfall” isn’t more than a small downward step in an otherwise mountainous work - is the advancement level of the lingo used, plus the amount of (though rightfully needed and relevant) adjacent political topics. For someone who isn’t ace, isn’t as politically enlightened and very normative and sheltered (such as my parents), I’m afraid this book will be a bit too much all at once. All the new terminology that’s so quickly crash-coursed, could potentially overwhelm, and if you’re likely to get lost already, the many political digressions might derail the intention I wanted to see from this book: which was to simply validate asexuality as an orientation.
Now, I need to point out that, firstly, this was my personal hope for the book; secondly, the ability to keep up with the thread will vary depending on pre-obtained knowledge plus native language (my parents not being native to an English speaking country), and thus I’m coming from a place of hoping for a very easy/straight forward book; and thirdly, I am so pleased with every single topic that was brought up regardless, because it belonged there, built on and enriched the map Angela Chen attempted to draw of ace’s place in our society. Asexuality does after all not exist in a vacuum, and so what she decided to write - which is a vast and impressive coverage of asexuality and its societal identity - was much more important than the “asexuality for dummies” I was initially hoping for.

I might still be on the lookout for something to hand to my parents - and this book will be one of them, once they’re more advanced in their understanding - but what I did get, I value so deeply: help to accept myself more. To feel less “broken” and alone. If you ever read this, Angela: thank you.

I recommend this to every ace or questioning, as well as anyone who found this when searching to educate themselves. Basically to anyone with some basic knowledge on the topic.

6 people found this helpful

This book made my whole life make sense!

THANK YOU Angela Chen for putting into words what I never could until now! Your work on this subject has made my personal life (or lack thereof, depending on how you look at it *wink wink*) feel like a treasure trove of possibilities. When my childhood friends pretended to get married and play house, I wanted to play dinosaur instead. I didn’t understand the appeal. When they started putting up Leonardo DiCaprio posters, rather than pretend to take care of imaginary horses with me, I felt like an alien. All the frustrating intimate encounters I have had that felt not entirely consensual, but not entirely coerced either, all make sense now. Everything. Thank you a million times over for opening this door for me. I truly hope your book will empower more and more people, ace and not, to explore this subject in depth. We need it.

2 people found this helpful

EVERYONE SHOULD READ THIS BOOK

Such a helpful and inspiring book for aces, but also very helpful for allos! This book is full of stories from so many different perspectives

2 people found this helpful

Best book in asexuality out

It's great, feels cathartic and discusses everything I wanted it to about asexuality in relation to social pressures and relationships.

2 people found this helpful

a great look in sexuality for everyone

as a asexual I relate to this, but it gives a great veiw of sexuality and brakes it down.

1 person found this helpful

Never Have I Ever Felt So Seen

This was a beautiful inside look into the community. It's much more complex living outside of the box, when most of the world live in it.

I felt seen by this and I'm glad I was able to read it during ACE Week this year.

10/10 will recommend.

1 person found this helpful

MUST READ!!!

Loved this book and all the wide perspectives and stories in it! Even if you don't identify as Ace, I would suggest reading!

1 person found this helpful

The reader is awful

Thought to get this and listen along with reading but I couldn’t get past the terribly pointed, almost robotic voice of the reader.
Would recommend the book,NOT the audiobook.

1 person found this helpful

Validation

I’ve been identifying as ace for a little over a year now and this book is exactly what I needed to hear. I experience a lot of imposter syndrome (as do many aces) and this book did a very good job of validation the relationships and emotions I’ve grown through. The last few chapters raised a lot of questions about myself and I am start looking deeper into the aro/ace community.

So needed! So good!

This book goes well beyond earlier works on asexuality to dissect topics of intersectionality, provide copious real examples, and dive into the heart of a healthier perspective on sex for everyone's sake - not just asexuals.