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The Velvet Rage
- Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World
- Narrated by: Alan Downs Ph. D
- Length: 7 hrs and 14 mins
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The Velvet Rage
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Publisher's Summary
The most important issue in a gay man’s life is not “coming out”, but coming to terms with the invalidating past. Despite the progress made in recent years, many gay men still wonder, “Are we better off?” The byproduct of growing up gay in a straight world continues to be the internalization of shame, rejection, and anger - a toxic cocktail that can lead to drug abuse, promiscuity, alcoholism, depression, and suicide.
Drawing on contemporary psychological research, the author’s own journey, and the stories of many of his friends and clients, Velvet Rage addresses the myth of gay pride and outlines three stages to emotional well-being for gay men. The revised and expanded edition covers issues related to gay marriage, a broader range of examples that extend beyond middle-class gay men in America, and expansion of the original discussion on living authentically as a gay man.
What listeners say about The Velvet Rage
Average Customer RatingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- merryn
- 22-08-2018
Relationships and Passion
I listened to this because I am trying to be an active and knowledgeable LGBTI+ Ally but what I actually got from this was much more. I gained some insight into hardships gay men face that I don't but I also gained insight into myself. I don't think any person could listen to this and not be struck by how similar our problems are no matter how we identify and honestly I look around me and see so many others struggling with their journey to find their authentic selves. Worth a listen for sure.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Charlie
- 24-01-2024
Finally, questions answered..
Growing up in the 2000’s without many queer role models was tough.. This book answered so many questions I had about why I am the way I am, and asked tough questions of me that I thought deeply about.
Years later, the world can still be quite homophobic but at least I’m ok enough with being myself and absolutely living as authentically as I can.
More books like this are needed and a wider conversation needs to continue.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Samuel T.
- 07-09-2018
Stage 2 going on 3 soon I hope
This book changed my life. I was recommended this book by my partner who constantly quotes it and used to drive me crazy with the quotes. Now I see why. Alan is incredibly honest and genuine, every word he wrote is very relatable. I’ll be honest in the beginning it was a bit hard to swallow, but when I looked back I placed the real me into this book and learned it’s not wrong but just things that are blocking me from being happy. It is possible to be happy, and this book did not only help with that but inspired me to spread it.
I would recommend this book to any gay boy, or family member or friend of a gay boy. It doesn’t matter if you are gay or straight this book will open your eyes to the world day boys grow up in. The struggle is real. And that’s the t.
Thank you Alan.
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2 people found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
- Anonymous User
- 29-09-2021
a gay man's must read
emotional, self relatable at times, definitely makes you think. can be a bit reductant as its point out everything comes out of shame, but still a great book!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Dave Scoble
- 25-05-2023
It is a gift for the gay man
This will resonate with most gay men, particularly of my generation (I was born in the 60’s) but for many others as well.
It was a gift for me and I will be forever grateful.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Alexander Paz
- 13-03-2021
An incredible read
I found this book to be a helpful roadmap for self actualisation as a gay man. It gave me insights into my own experiences and observations of gay culture and provided me with a sense of hope as well as understanding for how to live my life to the fullest. I have been recommending this book to all of my gay friends!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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- Anonymous User
- 25-01-2022
Inspiring
What an incredible book, every gay man should read or listen to this at least once. Thank you Dr Alan for your help in giving language to the experiences of gay life.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Mark
- 24-03-2022
Incredible
If I could give this book 100 stars I would. It is a must read for every gay man, their friends and families. Life changing.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- mehdihabibagahi
- 18-04-2018
Must read for Gay Men
Amazing book on gay men emotional stages and growth. If you ever wondered why we, gay men, are the way we are, there are some good insights here.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Anonymous User
- 29-08-2022
A must read
This is one of the most important books I have ever read (or listened to). I’m a gay man and I have never felt my frustrations, struggles and pain to be so well understood and articulated as they are by this author. It is a brief but detailed tour through the psyche of gay men, into the core of shame, its roots and its impacts, and with love and great dignity, it gently lights the way out. I can’t think of anybody who wouldn’t benefit from reading this, even those who will surely complain about its generalisations. It unravelled me and has taught me how to put myself back together, in my own vision.
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