One basic need all children have, educator Alfie Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including "time outs"), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Kohn cites a body of powerful and largely unknown research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send.
More than just another book about discipline, Unconditional Parenting addresses the ways parents think about, feel about, and act with their children. It invites them to question their most basic assumptions about raising kids while offering a wealth of practical strategies for shifting from "doing to" to "working with" parenting - including how to replace praise with the unconditional support that children need to grow into healthy, caring, responsible people.
©2005 Alfie Kohn (P)2016 Tantor
"Best parenting book I've read!"
Funny, practical, filled with anecdotes and puns between research and a lot of reality checks. It just makes scary sense. I wish the whole world could get this as a required course for having kids and getting into a relationship. The world would be a better place. No scripts for when child said A you say B, but an entire paradigm shift about what you really want your child to become and whether your immediate B will even get you there. This is a total wakeup call, even if you think you're on the right track. We parents can always learn a little more and do a little better so our kids end up stronger, more empathetic as well as independent and healthy.
"Eye opening, great audio."
Really enjoyed this book. Lots of studies quoted. A must read for those of us living in the west
"Pretty solid stuff here"
I enjoyed it. I already had an idea as to what works for my 7 year old, but this confirms it even more. Writer isn't boring with his voice and really gives you some Ah Ha moments. Love that.
I am all about conscious ways of thinking and helping the further generation grow into the most compassionate, wise, independent thinking people they can be. I believe this idea of using unconditional love as the basis of how we parent our kids, can set a new horizon for the future generation.
There are many lessons explained in this book, that are so well lay out that it's easy to see the reasons that punishment and rewards, etc. are not the most constructive ways to get our kids to comply or become humans who genuinely care about the way they make other people feel.
I am so glad this book came into my life and I feel lucky to now have the wisdom to help my son to thrive in his growth.
Passion and motivation to accomplish something because it feels good, should be what we are cultivating in our children, and should be their reason for doing things in life.
Well the author illustrates new ways to look at parenting especially to those who detest violence and coercion.
Good book sometimes I would have a loss of focus - ultimately though satisfied with purchase
I have read tons of parenting books and this is the only one that really seems to have the best interest of the child in mind. I am more of an authoritarian parent and it has really opened up my eyes on how punishments and rewards are perceived by my children. This book has finally explained to me in a way that I can understand why not every wrong doing should have a consequence. My children are happier and so am I.
In the multitude of trends and advice on disciplining practices this book is a breath of fresh air, concentrating on principles of education. When you love your child this way is a no brainier as it does not require that you be mean or manipulative. The only but is that it is really hard work as it requires sooo much patience and often time.
"This book has been thought provoking and a revelation."
This audio has been so thought provoking I felt I needed to leave a review (the first I've ever written).
This audio has challenged the way I have been interacting with my child on every level. It's made me stop and think and treat my 5 year old with respect and as little human being in his own right with his own thoughts and feelings.
I'd fallen into the trap of do this, do that, do as I say and then getting cross with him when he didn't, leaving me struggling to get him to comply.
The best words of advice from this audio... talk less, listen more!
We now discuss things, work out solutions together. Explain why we are doing things or not to do things. I'm teaching my son empathy, problem solving, negotiating skills instead of teaching him to just follow rules!
We've a long way to go but Ina few short weeks we're connecting more, have less tears, life is easier and more fun!
Although a little slow to get going, do bare with it because the tools you will take away will be invaluable.
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