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Parsnips, Buttered Audiobook

Parsnips, Buttered: Bamboozle and Boycott Modern Life, One Email at a Time

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Publisher's Summary

In this book I have attempted to solve each and every one of life's problems. And I have succeeded.

Dear Listener,

Using letters, emails, tweets and telegrams I will show you how the things in your life that make you sad, low or anxious can soon appear trivial, insignificant and like a fish. In short, I will butter your parsnips.

Life is hard. We are a bombarded generation: Facebook, billboards, Twitter, Instagram, taxes, newspapers, watches monitoring our sleep, apps that read our pulse, terrorism. There's such an onslaught to the senses these days it's a marvel any of us manage to get out of bed. I love bed.

While we are overwhelmed and confused by the miasmic cloud of information, there are those that seek to take advantage: there are parking fines, hate tweets, Nigerian email scams and Christmas newsletters from old school friends about their ugly kids. And just as we're getting round to doing something about it, we're distracted again.

I, Joe Lycett, comedian, wordsmith, and professional complainer, am here to help. During my short life of doing largely nothing I've discovered solutions to many of life's problems, which I impart to you, dear Listener. Containing a centurion of complaint letters to unsuspecting celebrities, companies and anyone brave enough to clog up my phone, as well as illustrations, one-liners, jokes and life hacks, this little gem offers you a collection of tips and advice* for all manner of modern woe. By the time you have finished listening to this book you will have learnt how to:

  • Reverse a parking fine
  • Manipulate the tabloid press
  • Navigate social media
  • Respond to hate mail
  • Out-weird Internet trolls
  • Contest a so-called ripe avocado
  • Send the perfect Christmas newsletter
  • Defeat ISIS
  • Take down multinational companies

AND MUCH, MUCH MORE!

Joe Lycett x

* If you are looking for guidance with taxes, quitting smoking, moving house, love, divorce, education, health care or anything actually important may I recommend speaking to friends or family members and not consulting a book by a comedian who eats halloumi at least twice a day.

©2016 Joe Lycett (P)2016 Hodder & Stoughton

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

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Performance


There are no listener reviews for this title yet.

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  • annalie
    9/11/16
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Hilarious"

    Love being a moron? Joe is your natural leader. Perfect antidote to Trump winning the election

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
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  • Gareth Mugridge
    15/11/16
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Hopefully doth butter these parsnips!"

    Have listened to this through 8 times in 2 weeks. Brilliant! Joe's performance really excels. SAMANTHA PETERSON!

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  • Ed Goodman
    15/11/16
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Hilarious. Hope you're well xx"

    Madness and mayhem are two perfect words to describe Joe and any conversation that involves an email from him. A very funny way to spend 3 and a bit hours.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  • Helen Leask
    7/11/16
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "if you want to laugh. listen"

    well that just made me cry with laughter.
    seriously funny, brilliantly read. I wish he was my new best friend

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  • Patrick
    7/11/16
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Made me giggle from start to finish!"

    What a laugh, Joe and his stories are fantastic, narrated really well, didn't want it to end, can't wait for more!

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  • Katie
    6/11/16
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "best comedian of all time "

    Joe Lycett is my favourite comedian for a number of reasons. He is the stereotypical British complainer, however he takes it 5000 steps further than the ordinary brit with his hilarious whit, glitter and Fox photos. Taking a stab at recent politics and parking enforcement officers is what he does best, and thankfully he does it very well. His multiple aliases rattle the bones off many snobby idiots, ranging from homophobic twats to professional casinos. Britain at its finest.

    I now have the tools to piss off anybody who tries to annoy me. thanks Joe.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  • AnnaB
    2/12/16
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "You have to buy this..."

    Genius comedy - laugh out loud funny. It has transformed my journeys home each night. Love it, love it, love it!

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  • Anthony
    27/11/16
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "laughed every chapter and worth every penny"

    I don't think anyone else could have read this other than Joe. loved it! x

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  • James Macdonald
    27/11/16
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Genuinely spat with laughter..."

    Absolutely loved it! Hearing Joe read it just makes it better. I laughed out loud so many times and accidentally spat water... Do not eat or drink while listening.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  • josephine
    26/11/16
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Brilliant!"

    I loved listening to this book. It made journeys fun (so much so that I found it difficult to get out of the car!)
    I was gutted that it had to come to an end.
    It even reinstated my love of squeaky cheese!

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  • Simon
    25/11/16
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Brilliant"

    The above word sums this audiobook up!! It's a shame it's a bit short, but full of great laughs!

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful

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