8.45 P.M. Realise there have been so many times in my life when have fantasised about going to a scan with Mark or Daniel: just not both at the same time. Before motherhood before marriage Bridget with biological clock ticking very, very loudly finds herself unexpectedly pregnant at the eleventh hour: a joyful pregnancy which is dominated however by a crucial but terribly awkward question - who is the father?
If you’ve done six impossible things this morning, why not round it off with breakfast at Milliways, the Restaurant at the End of the Universe? Which is exactly what the crew of the Heart of Gold plan to do. There’s just the small matter of escaping the Vogons, avoiding being taken to the most totally evil world in the Galaxy and teaching a space ship how to make a proper cup of tea. And did anyone actually make a reservation?
"Better than perfection?"
In consequence of a number of stunning catastrophes, Arthur Dent is surprised to find himself living in a hideously miserable cave on prehistoric Earth. However, just as he thinks that things cannot get possibly worse, they suddenly do. He discovers that the Galaxy is not only mind-boggingly big and bewildering but also that most of the things that happen in it are staggeringly unfair.
"it's like written for children by children"
Les Norton, a big red-headed country boy from Queensland, has just arrived in the big smoke and is set to make his mark. Working as a bouncer at an illegal casino in the Cross, Les encounters a number of fascinating characters who make up the seamier side of one of the most exciting cities in the world – gamblers, conmen, bookies, bouncers, hookers and hit men, who ply their respective trades from the golden sands of Bondi to the tainted gutters of Kings Cross... usually on the wrong side of the law.
"A man from God's country"
Better Than Life finds the crew trapped in a mind-boggling computer game that is threatening their lives and safety of the ship. One by one, they enter the game to rescue each other - and one by one, they become trapped! Holly will have to use his mega brain to solve this one.
"Better than life - Funny as hell."
Gary Karkofsky is an ordinary guy with an ordinary life living in an extraordinary world. Supervillains, heroes, and monsters are a common part of the world he inhabits. Yet, after the death of his hometown's resident superhero, he gains the amazing gift of the late champion's magical cloak. Deciding he prefers to be rich rather than good, Gary embarks on a career as Merciless: The Supervillain Without Mercy. But is he evil enough to be a villain in America's most crime-ridden city?
The brilliantly quirky David Sedaris returns with a book of acerbic and outrageously funny stories about animals who have unmistakably human failings.This collection of sharply observed animal-themed tales is a delight, told with David Sedaris’s trademark blend of hilarity and goodnaturedness. Though the characters may not be human, the situations in these stories bear an uncanny resemblance to the insanity of our own everyday interactions.
Sinclair Rutherford is a young Seattle cop with a taste for the finer things. Doing menial tasks and getting hassled by superiors he doesn't respect are definitely not "finer things". Good police work and bad luck lead him to crack a case that changes quickly from a career-making break into a high-profile humiliation when footage of his pursuit of the suspect - wildly inappropriate murder weapon in hand - becomes an Internet sensation.
Sienna Diaz is everyone's favorite "fat" funny lady. The movie studio executives can't explain it, but her films are out-grossing all the fit and trim headliners and Hollywood's most beautiful elite. The simple truth is, everyone loves plus-sized Sienna. But she has a problem: she can't read maps and her sense of direction is almost as bad as her comedic timing is stellar. Therefore, when Sienna's latest starring role takes her to the Great Smoky Mountains National Park, she finds herself continually lost.
The seventh instalment in the biggest, funniest, most thrilling comedy-horror-adventure series in the universe…Death Bringer, book 6 in the Skulduggery Pleasant series, was the number-one bestselling children’s book for two weeks running in September 2011, as well as outselling the number one adult fiction hardback. And guess what? This one is going to be Even Bigger.
Go the F--k to Sleep is a bedtime book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don’t always send a toddler sailing blissfully off to dreamland. California Book Award-winning author Adam Mansbach’s profane, affectionate, and radically honest verses perfectly capture the familiar - and unspoken - tribulations of putting your little angel down for the night.
Traumatized by the bombing of Dresden at the time he had been imprisoned, Pilgrim drifts through all events and history, sometimes deeply implicated, sometimes a witness. He is surrounded by Vonnegut's usual large cast of continuing characters (notably here the hack science fiction writer Kilgore Trout and the alien Tralfamadorians, who oversee his life and remind him constantly that there is no causation, no order, no motive to existence).
"Excellent detail and black humour"
Fleeing from a vengeful king has sent the former NPCs across Solium's borders, into the kingdom of Alcatham. As wanted fugitives, they head to the small farming village of Briarwillow, hoping to blend in, lay low, and avoid trouble at all costs. Unfortunately, Briarwillow has problems all its own, and its troubles quickly become theirs. If they hope to survive long enough to escape, they'll have to tackle an all-but-forgotten mystery buried at the town's border as well as seek the wisdom of a mysterious group of mages.
What happens when the haggling is done and the shops are closed? When the quest has been given, the steeds saddled, and the adventurers are off to their next encounter? They keep the world running, the food cooked, and the horses shoed, yet what adventurer has ever spared a thought or concern for the Non-Player Characters? In the town of Maplebark, four such NPCs settle in for a night of actively ignoring the adventurers drinking in the tavern when things go quickly and fatally awry.
The Bible offers some clues to God's personality - he's alternately been called vindictive and just, bloodthirsty and caring, all-powerful and impotent, capricious and foresighted, and loving and hateful. But no one has ever fully explored why God might be such a figure of contrasts. Nor has anyone ever satisfactorily explained what guides his relationship not just with angels, the devil, and his son, but also with all of creation.
Everyone hates the perfect family. So you’ll love the Battles. Mo is about to hit the big 50, and some uncomfortable truths are becoming quite apparent: She doesn’t understand either of her teenage kids, which as a child psychologist, is fairly embarrassing. She has become entirely grey, inside, and out. Her face has surrendered and is frightening children....
After discovering just how filled with magic, intrigue, and adventure the parahuman world of being an undead American can be, Fredrick Frankford Fletcher did exactly what was expected - he became a certified parahuman accountant. Myths and legends, as it turns out, are not so great at taking appropriate deductions and keeping their receipts, and Fred is more than happy to return to a life others view as woefully dull, expanding his accounting business to cater to various monsters.
Life is so unfair, and it sends many things to try Professor Dr Moritz-Maria von Igelfeld, in the proud Bavarian city of Regensburg. There is the undeserved rise of his rival (and owner of a one-legged dachshund), Detlev Amadeus Unterholzer; the interminable ramblings of the librarian, Herr Huber; and the condescension of his colleagues with regard to his unmarried state. But when his friend Ophelia Prinzel takes it upon herself to match-make, and duly produces a cheerful heiress with her own Schloss, it appears that the professor's true worth is about to be recognised.
There are reasons we fear the dark. Bill Ryder...isn't one of them. Gamer, geek, and legendary vampire - The Tome of Bill is the tale of an unlikely hero trying to survive in a world of undead horrors. Despite awesome supernatural powers, loyal allies, and an attitude the size of Brooklyn, the odds are still stacked heavily against him. Bill Ryder must fulfill his destiny and save the world from the ancient terrors that threaten it - all while trying to work up the nerve to ask out the girl of his dreams.
FBI special agent Kate O’Hare has made it her mission to nail international con artist Nicolas Fox. When she discovers his plot to plunder a venture capitalist’s 20th-story Chicago penthouse of all its cash and treasures while the self-proclaimed "King of Hostile Takeovers" is getting married, Kate is 85 percent - okay maybe 92 percent - sure that she’s finally going to bag Nick Fox. Problem is, first Kate has to convince her boss, building security, and maybe even herself, that wedding planner Merrill Stubing is actually Nicolas Fox. Second, she has to figure out how to corner and capture him without disrupting the event of the year.
Since her arrival in the US from Venezuela, Valentina Goldman isn't exactly living the American dream. She is living the American nightmare. Her late husband, Max, has left her a young widow, an angry ex-wife who is keeping the secret of Max's untimely departure, plus an American step-daughter Valentina cannot figure out.
When the worst writer in history self-publishes his books, the world of literature is decimated overnight. Illiteracy becomes something to aspire to and book burnings become rife. The publishing industry is left hemorrhaging credibility and verges on collapse. But its recovery not a matter of removing said books, or even destroying them, the same must be done to the mind responsible.
George Walther Stott was the richest and most hated man in Stottington, and his three children grew up to be almost as hated as he was. As he took his final breath, George Walther died of natural causes with a smile on his face. For even though he was passing on, he would have the last laugh. His children, those appalling mumblecrusting jizzbags who seeped forth from his former wife's formerly perfect vagina, would only inherit his massive wealth on one condition. That they solve his murder.
Sienna Harris is back and appears to be on top of the world! Her company, Sheer Happiness Events, is booming, but personally she's a mess. She never imagined that with amazing success would come tremendous pressure. Although her professional life seems in disarray at times, her relationship with the dashing Ace Eckelund is finally progressing.
Newly orphaned, recently divorced, and semiadrift, Nina Popkin is on a search for her birth mother. She's spent her life looking into strangers' faces, fantasizing they're related to her, and now, at thirty-five, she's ready for answers. Meanwhile, the last thing Lindy McIntyre wants is someone like Nina bursting into her life, announcing that they're sisters and campaigning to track down their mother. She's too busy with her successful salon, three children, beautiful home, and...oh yes, some pesky little anxiety attacks.
Meg Langslow was actually looking forward to renovating the old Victorian mansion she and her boyfriend Michael bought. But she wasn't thrilled by the lifetime of junk accumulated by the house's eccentric previous owner, Edwina Sprocket. The easiest solution: hold the end-all and be-all of gigantic yard sales.
Imagine how bored you would be doing the same job for the last 2000 years. Simon, the Demon's next soul-delivery client, is petrified to find himself in Hell, especially as he is in the charge of the sarcastic, couldn't-care-less Demon who is on a performance improvement plan. What follows is a chaotic, irreverent trip through the afterlife, an assignment to Earth, and a student exchange program to Heaven at the bidding of Beelzebub. This is a raucous tale with a twist that you won't see coming.
How does a fire witch battle her feelings for a sexy apocalyptic horseman when he's burned his way into her heart? How does an air witch learn to fly when she's falling for the wrong man? How does an earth witch come to terms with the fact that she and Death created a life? The de Moray witches are back, and this time there's hell to pay....
Matilda Bell is left heartbroken when she falls out with her beloved grandfather just before he dies. Haunted by regret, she makes a promise that will soon change everything.... When spirited former singing star Reenie Silver enters her life, Mattie seizes the opportunity to make amends. Together Mattie and Reenie embark on an incredible journey that will find lost friends, uncover secrets from the glamorous 1950s and put right a 60-year wrong.
Jazz singer Zoe Davis is facing eviction due to a teensy, ill-advised fling with her landlord, so when Gabe Reynolds offers the apartment over his garage, Zoe knows better than to get involved with her landlord again. No matter how smoking hot he is.
In the third sequel to The Darling Buds of May, Charley and Mariette decide to get baby Blenheim christened, leading to a wholesale christening of all seven of the Larkin children. Chaos abounds as the vicar, Mr Candy, is run ragged by the naughty twins, Zinnia and Petunia, and finds himself the object of desire for Pop's second eldest, Primrose. To top it all off, Pop buys a fairground on a whim, and Mlle Dupont arrives to discover that Pop is not a Lord, nor does he live in a mansion.
In the final book of the series that began with The Darling Buds of May, the fun-loving Pop Larkin finds himself confined to a bed following a mild heart attack - caused by a little too much of what he fancied. Ma battles with the doctors as she attempts to find an adequate cure, but it turns out that a seductive nurse is all he needs. Pa's spirits truly recover themselves when he is forced to defend his home from the ministry's railway plans. This concludes the tales of H. E. Bates' Larkin family.
When a gold coin heist turns out badly, a pair of idiotic crooks hook-up with some moronic thieves (and a movie star) in order to steal the secret KFC chicken recipe. Along the way they reveal (among many other things) the connection between Gilligan's Island and the devil, what Salman Rushdie and Elvis have in common with Col. Sanders, why Betty was never a vitamin, and what Bootsy Collins does in his spare time. It also deals with the whole "why did the chicken cross the road" conundrum.
Confirmed bachelor Vince Marino wants nothing more than to win the Clover Park Library project and earn partner in his father's construction company. But a last-minute bid by Sophia Capello, the jaw-dropping daughter of his father's lifelong rival, throws Vince out of the running.
Mister Monkey - a screwball children's musical about a playfully larcenous pet chimpanzee - is the kind of family favorite that survives far past its prime. Margot, who plays the chimp's lawyer, knows the production is dreadful and bemoans the failure of her acting career. She's settled into the drudgery of playing a humiliating part - until the day she receives a mysterious letter from an anonymous admirer and later, in the middle of a performance, has a shocking encounter with Adam, the 12-year-old who plays the title role.
For those of you that have blended families or have ever taken a family camping trip, the Rizzos' attempt at bonding will take you down memory lane. This hilarious story is full of family chaos, colorful characters, crazy antics and lively adventures. As a newly blended family, the Rizzos attempt to bond during a camping trip, following the advice of their family therapist.